2K views Dec 2009
A fake TSA training video introduces a worker who clears travelers only after they demonstrate a hug, while a passenger who fails is flagged as a threat.
0:05 Here at the Transportation Security Administration, safety is our top concern. 0:09 In this video, we'll update you for new procedures for TSA security checkpoints throughout the nation. 0:14 Effective immediately, all security screening equipment will now be replaced with the Jihad Elimination Worker. 0:20 The Jihad Elimination Worker has been rigorously tested and has proven itself the perfect answer for today's airport security needs. 0:26 Lines will form in front of the terminal in the same way they have in the past. 0:30 Previously, travelers would place their goods on a conveyor for electronic inspection. 0:34 Now you must teach them how to give a human upper body grasp. 0:37 Show the subject how to raise their arms, lean forward, and squeeze the arms around a torso. 0:42 Then have the subject approach the jihad elimination worker. 0:45 If the traveler successfully performs a human upper body grasp, they are cleared as a terror threat and are allowed to pass through the security checkpoint. 0:53 A terrorist will attempt to perform a human upper body grasp and find it physically impossible to do so. 0:58 That passenger is then flagged as a threat, removed from the line, and placed on a no-fly list. 1:04 Did you catch that? Look closely as a security threat is flagged by a security agent. 1:08 He is then separated from the other passengers so as not to cause disruption. 1:12 This concludes our video. With the introduction of the new jihad elimination worker. 1:17 Yes. 1:17 We have another angle. 1:19 Okay. Watch another angle recorded on a traveler's cell phone. 1:24 With the introduction of the new Jihad elimination worker, the average traveler's biggest concern will be overpacking. 
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