Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffAttractive Girl Union Refuses To Talk With MikeDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share2.4K views Nov 2008A mock news report shows the Attractive Girls Union rejecting Mike Greenman over his goatee, awkward approach, and narrow conversation topics. Show transcript0:12In just a moment, we'll be hearing a statement from the Attractive Girls Union, which is still refusing to enter talks with Mike Greenman.0:19For months now, the Attractive Girls Union has declined to negotiate with Mr.0:22Greenman or even smile back at him when he smiles at them in a bar.0:26Let's go live to that press conference now.0:28Girls Union has resolved to continue ignoring Mike Greenman and will remain firm on that stance until such a time as Mike starts dressing better or at least gets rid of that goatee.0:38Although it is clear Mike is very eager to come to the bargaining table with us, at this juncture we cannot negotiate with an individual who stares at us for half an hour before coming over to tell us he likes our shoes and then stands there awkwardly.0:50I will now take your questions.0:52How do you respond to the new pants Mike Greenman is wearing today?0:55Uh, we have not noticed them. Next question.0:57Joining us now for analysis is arbitration expert Nick Goldener.1:01Yeah, hello, Brandon.1:01Bad news here for Mr. Greenman today.1:03Yeah, but it's a real disappointment. Uh, Mike has tried to initiate talks with the Attractive Girls Union hundreds of times at, uh, bookstores, bars, uh, the grocery store, parties,1:12uh, on the street, at concerts, in elevators, uh, once in a dentist office, which is very awkward.1:18But, uh, in most cases like this, he would have at least gotten a fake phone number by now, but, uh, clearly these attractive girls are playing hardball here.1:24So they're not giving him anything, it seems.1:26They're not.1:26Well, there were reports last week Mr. Greenman was able to procure a brief parlay with one union member at a Starbucks.1:33Now, what was the result of that?1:34Well, Mr. Greenman inquired if anyone was sharing her table, and the the official, whose sources say was, quote, hot enough to be a model, responded that she was pretty sure someone was sitting there.1:43Right.1:44She then went back to reading her book, effectively shutting the door on negotiations.1:47Oh, so at least there's some dialogue there. Could you talk us through the deal that Mr.1:51Greenman is offering the Attractive Girls Union at this point?1:54Well, he's begun doing 5 to 6 push-ups per night1:56Uh.1:57and has announced plans to start jogging soon. Uh, that's in addition to what he's offered since the beginning of this standoff, uh, namely being up for anything and a nice guy, unlike most of the douchebags the Attractive Girls Union repeatedly renews their contracts with.2:09But the union still refuses to budge.2:11That's right. If he were dealing with the slightly overweight, frizzy-haired girls union2:14Right.2:15or the insecure UGG boots over jean girls union, it would be enough.2:18Sure.2:18But the Attractive Girls Union is very powerful, and they know they don't have to2:21Excuse me, Nick, the Attractive Girls Union has just been asked to cite the specifics of what they're demanding of Mike Freeman before they'll talk with him.2:28Uh, let's go to that now.2:30But not pretentious. Additionally, he must guarantee conversation topics outside of video games, his job at Barnes & Noble, and the New York Giants, which is the full extent of what he currently offers.2:41And he must also commit to a center on laughing at his own jokes.2:44A hard bargain there. Mr. Goldener, what's your take?2:47Uh, at this point, these demands are going to be impossible for Mike to meet.2:50He has a zero chance with the Attractive Girls Union, barring some unforeseen influx of money or if he joins a band.2:56Uh, do you have any idea how long this standoff could last?2:59Uh, well, it's been going on for Mike's entire life at this point, so there's really no reason to think it would change.3:04He fucks up everything.3:05Mm.3:05Why does he even try anymore?3:06Well, we'll all be watching to see what happens.3:11I have a two-part question.3:13Yes.3:13When you saw Mr. Freeman in the bar last week, and when you s- and you smiled, and then when he waved, you laughed, were those both at him?3:21I'm sorry?3:22Were you looking at him when you smiled?3:24I don't remember.3:25Or were you smiling at someone else and laughed because he thought you were smiling at him when you waved?3:29I really don't remember.3:30OK, second part, why would you smile at him once and then not even react the next time he waved?3:35OK, I don't know what the incident is that you're referring to.3:38I don't remember. Any other questions regarding my smile or wave need to be directed towards my office.
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