Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffMissing ChildDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share1.5K views Oct 2008A mock morning show interviews a missing girl's mother as a forensic expert presents increasingly grim, absurd predictions of how she might look. Show transcript0:07If you're a long time viewer of Today Now, you'll remember the story of Tonya Sharley, the girl from Cleveland, Ohio that disappeared 4 years ago today.0:16Pay close attention to this next segment because we are really depending on you to help us help Tonya and her mother, Rita Sharley.0:23Thanks so much for being here.0:24Thank you.0:25We are going to do our best to bring you and your daughter back together, and aiding us in that effort, our own forensics expert, Douglas Molino.0:33Now, what Douglas has been doing, Miss Charlie, is taking the photos that you've generously provided us of Tanya as a child and digitally aged them.0:41We have no idea of what she might look like since she's gone missing.0:44Would you take us through the steps of that compositing technique?0:47Of course. First, we start with this photo of Tanya provided to us by Miss Charlie.0:51Mm-hmm. Oh, what a lovely girl.0:52But like most runaways, she likely would have spent her days and nights on the street, uh, living as a vagrant.0:57So this is what she would have looked like one year after her disappearance.1:01Oh.1:01Oh my goodness.1:02Listen, if you recall seeing this girl, please call the Onion News Network rescue line now.1:07Maybe she would have gone up to someone and asked for help, and maybe they would have helped her.1:12Well, that's an intriguing possibility.1:13I'm afraid it's not likely whatsoever, Jim.1:15No.1:15The authorities are a runaway's worst enemy, and whatever street gang she may have been running with would have prevented her from going to the police.1:22Right.1:23Here's Tanya in 2004.1:24Oh, that's just so sad.1:26Hungry and desperate for money, she would have bleached her hair blonde to increase her market value as a child prostitute.1:32The life of a prostitute must be hard on the little girl.1:35I just want her to come home.1:37Are the bruises from her pimp, Douglas?1:39Yes. Eventually, to escape the pain, she would have taken up crystal meth, and that would cause a dramatic shift in appearance such as this.1:45Unbelievable. So what our audience should be on the lookout for now, Douglas, is a young crystal meth addict?1:51Uh, no, probability suggests that after turning so many tricks, she would have become pregnant around the age of 13.1:56Ah, right.1:57At which case, her pimp would have cut off her drug supply.1:59That's good she's off the drugs.2:00You've been so helpful, Douglas, but could you bring us up to date on what does Tanya look like right now on the streets?2:07Sure. After her pregnancy diet of chicken wings pulled from trash cans, she's probably about 30 pounds overweight, dressed in a tattered Cleveland Browns jersey, carrying a jaundiced baby swaddled in a garbage bag.2:19I urge everyone watching to note one particularly distinguishing characteristic, the deep sadness in Tanya's eyes.2:26Right, it's so apparent there, isn't it? Uh, well, thank you so much, Douglas.2:29And if anyone in our audience recognizes that, that haunting, deep, despondent, uh, look on the face of this young girl, please call us here at the Onion News Network.2:39Douglas, thank you for your amazing work.2:41Just trying to help bring a mother and daughter back together.2:43Helping people, that's what we're all about here on Today Now.2:48Thanks, Douglas.
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