Nasa Scientists Plan To Approach Women By 2018

I'm pleased to announce that NASA has entered the planning stages of a mission to approach that cute girl from the laundromat by 2018. Senior project scientists Dr. Adam Thompson and Dr. Carson Harper discovered the girl three months ago at a Houston area sudden save between dryers 4 and 5, giving her the name Thompson-Harper number 3499102. Dr. Thompson? Thank you. According to our observations, Thompson-Harper becomes visible for 70 to 90 minute intervals every Wednesday night. She masses between 30 and 60 kilograms and her eyes are the color of magnesium ion silicate. She is attractive, and based on observed interactions with laundromat employees, she is not cold or lifeless. The approach will be implemented in three phases: 1, planning, which will take an estimated 8 years, 2, execution, which will take 4 to 12 minutes, and 3, results, which depending on the success of phase 2 could lead to anything from naked showering together to marriage. The mission will cost an estimated 900 million dollars. The team is in the early stages of development of a joke which we can use to break the ice. It is a casually humorous observation about how socks seem to disappear in the dryer. The advantages of this topic are twofold. It is specific to the laundromat setting, and if successful, we can transition to level 2, in which we refer to dryers as the black hole for socks. This will allow us to segue seamlessly into talk of space, a topic about which we are extremely comfortable speaking. We also have a dedicated task force developing trendy new clothes for maximum impact upon approach. These projects are on track to be completed by 2015, and when finished, will introduce us to a whole new world of lady interaction. We will now take questions. How do you respond to critics who believe the organization is risking another tragedy like the 2002 Girl at Borders bookstore disaster? Well, none of us want to relive that moment, and we've put in place protocols for this mission that should prevent a similar outcome. For example, should the interaction become compromised to a non-salvageable degree, a propulsion ejection system can be deployed, which will launch our men out of the laundromat and clear of any potentially embarrassing situation. If that occurs, we will move on to our backup plan, using the Hubble Space Telescope to take higher resolution photos of her and then masturbating furiously while hating ourselves for it. Yes. Is this mission connected to the other NASA mission to locate and marry Scarlett Johansson? No, that mission has been cancelled. It was found to be infeasible and just stupid really. Stupid. Okay, thank you all for coming.