1.7K views May 2010
In this comedy sketch, Gotham residents confront Batman about his secret identity, crime-fighting, gadgets, and parents, leaving him questioning his entire life as he storms off.
0:09 Citizens of Gotham, I come before you today with an apology. 0:13 As you know, last night, during a heroic battle with the Joker, I accidentally blew up an orphanage. 0:22 So you're quitting, right? 0:24 Last night's tragedy doesn't change my responsibility to justice. 0:27 Justice? You live in a mansion, and you just blew up orphans. 0:31 Oh, mansion? I thought we put those Batman is Bruce Wayne rumors to rest when I- 0:37 We've all known you were Bruce Wayne for the past 30 years, asshole. 0:40 How? Is this one of the Joker's tricks? 0:42 Really? You used to talk in a deep voice and excuse yourself from parties whenever the bat signal went up. 0:48 Uh, excuse me, I forgot again about an important meeting with some unnamed person. 0:53 I didn't really use a deep voice like that. 0:55 Uh, yeah, you did. 0:57 Did you really, really think you were fighting crime all these years? 1:02 I, I put a lot of villains in jail. 1:04 No, you didn't. Everyone just felt really bad for you after your parents died, so we just kind of rolled with whatever you like. 1:12 There's no way I wouldn't have caught that. 1:14 That's what we thought. For fuck's sake, we come up with a villain named the Joker. 1:17 What real gangster would ever do that? 1:20 He was a weird guy. 1:21 And there was another weird guy named Penguin, and Riddler. Riddler! 1:25 He gives you riddles as to how to catch him. 1:27 They're hard riddles. 1:28 And all the bad gadgets. God, how in the world would a plane shaped like a bat even fly? 1:33 It has bat propulsion. 1:35 Oh, bat propulsion, a top secret physics-defying technology that only one guy with no engineering staff has. 1:40 How stupid are you? 1:43 What about the batarang? 1:44 We put a string on it so it would come back to you. 1:46 We thought you'd figure it out, but you just kept building on this elaborate stupid, stupid fantasy. 1:54 Look at you. You're dressed like an asshole. How would you stop anybody? 2:02 I learned kung fu in China. 2:03 No, you don't know kung fu. This is a video we took of you last week fighting Catwoman. 2:15 It's monkey style. 2:16 It's asshole style. 2:18 That video has like a million views. Everybody on Earth is laughing at you all the time. 2:23 But I... I took this form to avenge the murder of my parents. 2:27 Your parents weren't murdered, they just... they choked to death on a hot dog. 2:32 How could they choke to death on the same hot dog? 2:34 They were idiots. They were fourth generation trust funders. 2:39 So every moment of my life since I was 6 years old has been a giant meaningless lie? 2:45 Well... 2:46 Oh God, I'm a joke. I'm just completely worthless. 2:50 No, no, no, don't beat yourself up. It's fine. Don't. 2:53 Well. 2:54 Actually, yeah, kinda. Yes. 2:57 Yeah. 2:58 Yes. 2:58 Yeah. 2:59 She's got a point. 3:00 Yeah, you're dressed like a vampire. 3:01 You guys are dicks. I'm out of here. 3:06 Look away! 3:09 Look away! 3:16 You're behind the podium. 3:17 Am not. 
2:32
0:31
5:02
2:18
2:22
2:39
2:46
0:52
2:04
0:18
0:52
1:49