2.4K views Mar 2009
A hospital staff surrounds a laboring woman with costly machines, while an administrator tours the room and doctors treat childbirth like a high-tech show.
0:01 Part 1: The Miracle of Birth. 0:32 1008. 0:34 Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent, doctor. 0:35 Good, take her into the fetus frightening room. 0:37 Right. 0:38 Come on, you guys. 0:48 Sir, it's a bit bare in here there, isn't it? Yes. Yes, more apparatus, please, nurse. 0:55 The EEG, the BP monitor, and the AVV. 0:58 Yes, certainly, doc. 0:59 And, uh, get the machine that goes bing. And get the most expensive machines in case the administrator comes. 1:14 Right up here, just behind this. Lovely, lovely. Jolly good, that's better. 1:19 That's much, much better. Yes, more like it. Uh, still something missing, though. 1:26 Hm? Hm. 1:31 Patient. 1:32 Yes. 1:33 Where's the patient? 1:33 Everyone's in the back. 1:34 Patient! 1:35 Ah! Here she is. 1:37 Bring it over here. 1:39 Mind the machine. 1:40 Sorry, Doctor. 1:41 Come along. 1:42 Come on. 1:44 Hello, now don't you worry. 1:46 We'll soon have you cured. 1:48 Leave it all to us, you'll never know what hit you. 1:50 Goodbye. 1:51 Goodbye. 1:52 Drips up. 1:53 Injections. 1:54 Can I put the tube in the baby's head? 1:55 Only if I can do the episiotomy. 1:56 Okay. 1:57 Okay. Uh, legs up. 1:59 Uh, come in. Come on in, all of you. That's it, jolly good. Come on. 2:03 Come on. Spread round there. Who are you? 2:06 I'm the husband. 2:07 I'm sorry, only people involved are allowed in here. 2:11 Right. 2:11 What do I do? 2:13 Yes? 2:14 What do I do? 2:15 Nothing, dear. You're not qualified. 2:18 Leave it to us. 2:19 What's that for? 2:20 That's the machine that goes bing. 2:24 You see, that means your baby is still alive. 2:27 And that's the most expensive machine in the whole hospital. 2:31 Yes, it cost over three quarters of a million pounds. 2:34 Aren't you lucky? 2:36 The administrator is here, doctor. 2:38 Switch everything on. 2:40 Morning, gentlemen. Morning, morning, gentlemen. 2:43 Morning. 2:43 Morning, Mr. Pycroft. 2:44 Oh, very impressive, very impressive. And what are you doing this morning? 2:49 It's a birth. 2:50 Ah, what sort of thing is that? 2:53 Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy. 2:58 Wonderful what we can do nowadays. Ah, I see you have the machine that goes bing. 3:03 This is my favorite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to, and that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account. 3:15 Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on. 3:20 Oh, the bulb is dilating, doctor. 3:21 Oh yes, there's the head. Yes, 4 centimeters, 5, 6 centimeters. 3:25 Lights! 3:26 Amplify the ping machine. 3:28 Masks up. 3:28 Suction. 3:29 Eyes down for a full house. 3:31 Here it comes. 3:35 And frightening. 3:37 Sure. 3:38 And the rough towels. 3:42 Show to the mother. That's enough. 3:45 Right, sedate her. 3:46 Number the child. 3:47 Measure it, blood type it, and isolate it. 3:50 Okay, show's over. 3:53 A boy or a girl. 3:55 Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? 3:59 Now, a word of advice, you may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression, PMD, as we doctors call it. 4:06 So it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. 4:10 It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super 8. 
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