Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffDave Chappelle Talks About Michael JacksonDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share3.7K views Jul 2009Dave Chappelle jokes about Michael Jackson, celebrity scandals, and a court case in a stand-up routine that mixes sharp satire with absurd punchlines. Show transcript0:00And that's why I don't trip off being a celebrity. I don't like it.0:04I don't trust it. There's one minute they all love you, and the next thing you know, you're in front of that courthouse dancing on top of a car just trying to figure out what the fuck happened to you.0:22That's what I'm waiting for, because the timing of this Michael Jackson shit is what makes me doubt it.0:28Every time there's wars going out of control, or the economy gets bad, or something is wrong with the world at large, it's always these moments in history that Michael Jackson will coincidentally jerk off a kid.0:41This is getting a little ridiculous. Like, are you planning this shit?0:44Do you have meetings?0:46Michael, thank you for coming.0:49As you know, Michael, the war has not been going as well as we expected.0:52There's been a lot of hiccups, and the public is asking us a lot of questions, of course, and well, Michael, there's no nice way to say this, and all I know how to do is be direct,1:03so let me just be direct. We're going to need you to jerk off another child, Mike.1:07I'm sorry. I am sorry.1:12But it would really help out.1:17Or maybe he did it, who knows? Who knows? That's the thing, that's what I wanted to say.1:21Who knows? Who the fuck knows? Mike, God, and this little boy know.1:25That's, that's about it. That's about it. Only reason that I can even talk about this shit is because everybody is speculating.1:35They all think he did it, and I don't think he did it. I'm alone in this.1:38I don't think he did it. I'm not gonna say I don't think he did it.1:41That's too strong.1:47Let me just say I am reserving judgment until all the facts come out.1:53But so far from what I heard, I mean, the kid said he was dying of cancer, he was in Make-A-Wish Foundation, he claims he had 2 weeks to live, and it was his dying wish to meet Michael Jackson.2:06Come on, man, give me a fucking break. This kid is 10 years old, he don't remember Thriller.2:10The fuck you want to meet Michael Jackson for, honestly?2:14I remember Thriller, and I just, like, kind of want to meet this nigga, like.2:18I wouldn't break an appointment to meet him, I'll put it that way.2:21I'd have to already be free. That's ridiculous. It's like if I'm dying in 2 weeks and go, oh, mama, oh, get me in a room with Chubby Chuckle.2:30I wouldn't want to meet that motherfucker, not my last 2 weeks.2:33Why not Usher or somebody like this?2:36So then the kid claims... he goes to Michael's house. This is where it all gets crazy.2:41I don't, like, you know, he does everything you'd expect at Michael's house.2:45They, uh, climb trees and rode roller coasters and Ferris wheels.2:49The chef made cookies, pies, and cakes. They was petting the monkey and the giraffe, sing songs, kid shit.2:56And in the middle of all this childlike activity, for some reason,3:01Mike pulled out some wine and some pills3:06and sucked this kid's dick. Folks, it hurts me to say it.3:13And the kid had the nerve to call that abuse. Motherfucker, that is a good host.3:17God damn, what else do you want? What else do you want?3:23I'm lucky to get a glass of, of, of grape drink at my friend's house, let alone a roller coaster ride and my dick sucked.3:33Mike must be confused, like I brought you in my house, I fed you, I sucked your dick, and this is how you repay me, motherfucker?3:40This was your wish, not mine.3:45Thought you were dying in 2 weeks. What happened to that, motherfucker?3:48I've been in court for a year and a half. You get stronger every time I see you.
6:08
1:30
2:10
2:28
3:05
10:28
13:41
2:23
2:49
1:16
1:10
2:40