1.6K views Mar 2009
A satirical news report covers a bullet recall after defective ammunition disappoints customers, while the company promotes a new, fire-starting replacement.
0:06 The nation's leading manufacturer of ammunition, Steel Hawk Incorporated, announced a massive recall today of jacketed hollow point bullets, which may not properly shred the internal organs of victims. 0:17 When functioning normally, the tip of a hollow point bullet shatters into fragments, then cuts a wide and jagged path through the tissue and bone of its target. 0:26 But due to a factory error, nearly 100,000 bullets with solid points were shipped to retail stores, resulting in a greatly reduced capability to explode flesh. 0:35 Steel Hawk CEO John Cullen announced the recall at a press conference this morning. 0:39 At Steel Hawk, nothing is more important to us than the complete satisfaction of our customers when they maim or kill. 0:45 Some of these defective bullets can leave an exit wound as small as a plum. 0:50 That is unacceptable. 0:51 According to information released by Steel Hawk, the first notice about the defective bullets came from a man who shot and killed his brother during an altercation at a county fair and was disappointed that the victim's face remained, 1:02 quote, more or less intact. Frank Erman was among the hundreds of other dissatisfied customers. 1:08 You know, you spend good money for a hollow point bullet, you expect it to explode ahead in a geyser of blood and brains. 1:14 You know, if I wanted to kill someone without destroying the body, I'd, I'd use a hammer. 1:18 To address complaints like these, the company is also offering discount coupons for its newest product, Inferno bullets, which start a small fire inside of someone when you shoot them. 1:27 We understand that when our customers shoot a man, they want to see his liquefied organs pour out of every hole in his body. 1:34 Give us another chance, we'll give you the lung shreddingest bullets on the market. 1:38 Still, the effort might not be enough for many customers. 1:41 Those people over at Steel Hawk ought to be shot in the face in front of their families. 1:45 Many gun owners have said the recall has been so frustrating they will no longer use bullets, returning to more low-tech methods like beating victims with spiked clubs or dragging them behind their cars. 1:55 Moving on, Congress announced today the long-debated Darfur aid package will be used for a Darfur memorial instead. 
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