Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffDemitri Martin Flip Chart And ArtDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share8.8K views Nov 2008Comedian Demitri Martin presents his unique, dry humor using a flip chart and drawings. Show transcript0:01So this is a large pad. On this pad, I have data from the last year.0:06These are findings.0:10So I'd like to get into that.0:17Okay. Let me start with a simple chart. Okay, this is pretty simple.0:22This is how short the person is versus how drunk the person is.0:27And this line is how funny it is.0:32You see, the shorter and more drunk the person is, the funnier it is.0:36This up here would be like a midget or a small child who's very drunk.0:41Here, this guy's like 6 foot, and he's just like buzzing. It's like, nah.0:44But here we have a dwarf who's about to take a dive off a chair.0:49Can I get this man another shot, maybe some whiskey and a thimble?0:54Okay, breakdown of Hummer owners.1:05Tough guys come in at 43% of the owners.1:09Pricks are 27%.1:11Douchebags are 15%. Now, dildos are almost 15%, and this is interesting because I never had to pluralize dildo before.1:20I don't know if that's right, it looks like dill does.1:24And I hope I never have to again,1:27like in a deposition or something. How many dildos were there?1:33I don't know, but I'm sore and I want to go home.1:40How funny I find farts by location.1:46School's pretty funny, church is funnier. My face isn't funny at all, that's negative.1:53My brother's face is off the charts, though.1:56Scuba, I'm not sure.1:59It depends, like, if you can see the bubbles come out of the wetsuit, that's pretty funny because, ha ha, we have a man punishing fishermen in the distance.2:07Very nice. Actually, it's probably funny if you can't see the bubbles come out, because you see a guy swimming, and all of a sudden he just starts to struggle in his own air supply.2:19Must stop farting into own nostrils.2:24Never tacos before scuba.2:31Flowchart of clowns. Circus, annoying. Birthday clown, sad. One that's just around is creepy.2:39But if any of them get hurt, it's funny.2:47There's a saying that goes, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.2:51Okay. How about nobody should throw stones?2:58That's crappy behavior. My policy is no stone throwing, regardless of housing situation.3:05Don't do it.3:09There is one exception, though. If you're trapped in a glass house,3:14you have a stone, then throw it.3:18What are you, an idiot?3:21So really, it's only people in glass houses should throw stones,3:25provided they are trapped in the house with the stones. A little longer, but you know.3:32Ponytail locations, okay.3:35Pony's ass, okay.3:38Back of my dad's friend's head, not okay.3:42Mostly because of this area right here. This isn't helping this.3:46That's not good.3:49This is a pie chart about procrastination.4:00Okay, this is very autobiographical. This is the cuteness of the girl versus how interested I am in hearing about how intuitive her cat is.4:09You see, the cuter the girl is, the more I'm willing to hear about the cat.4:12Oh, really? Yeah, he's very intuitive. But you'll notice that a certain point, I don't care how cute you are, I don't want to hear about your cat anymore.4:27I hate your cat. When you leave the room, I try to get it.4:36This is my ability to draw mountains over time.4:44I learned something on the road, traveling around. State shapes.4:48The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state.4:55So if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell out of there.4:59You got I moved to a squiggly area.5:03Culture is attracted to squiggles.5:08Those who see the glass half full are considered optimists. Yeah, but shouldn't we be more specific about the contents of the glass?5:15If it's a glass of I'm going half empty.5:21I don't like it as an optimist, yeah. There's like a half empty glass right here, so don't worry about it.5:28Baby blood, that's even more complicated.5:33Is this blood going to a baby or coming from a baby?5:39It's to a baby, yeah, we got a half full glass of baby blood here.5:41He's gonna be fine. It's a half, don't worry about it. From a baby, okay, hold on.5:46It's a half empty baby blood glass. Don't ask me why I collected the blood in a glass.5:50Don't ask me why I collected the blood in a glass. Just listen to what I'm saying.5:54Finally, pillow fights. Okay. Man versus woman, fun. Man versus man, gay.6:01Woman versus woman, awesome. Man versus pillow, crazy. Pillow versus pillow, crazy awesome.6:13That's a real pillow fight right there. If you see two pillows fighting, you know something's going down.6:20They're designed for relaxation.6:23If they're fighting, what hope do we have?6:29One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, this is a pillow fight ahead of time.
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