Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffEd Byrne BedDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share17.8K views Jan 2009Ed Byrne delivers a relatable stand-up routine about the struggle of getting out of bed. Show transcript0:00It's, it's just ridiculous how easy it is to start an argument when you're buying stuff for a house.0:04Like, I bought us a bed, which I thought you'd be delighted with, because it's a huge bed.0:08I, I went and I got us this super king-sized bed, right? It's an enormous thing.0:11You could easily fit 3 people in this bed, and that was all I said to him.0:21I love that bed as well. I love, I lo- I love bed, though. Bed's just fucking great, isn't it?0:26Oh, yes. All right, let's, yes, let's hear it for bed. Bed just rules.0:30That's just, yes. Don't you feel like your whole life is just a series of distractions designed to get you out of bed?0:37Yeah. Anything you ever do that wastes your time, you think, I could have been in bed the whole fucking time.0:43You show up for meeting the other guys later, they're going, that's another 5 minutes I could have had in bed, you bastard.0:48I love bed. It's so hard to get out of bed. Like my, my bed's from IKEA.0:51That's where I bought it, which I think is quite fitting, really, because beds themselves are quite like IKEA in that they're very easy to get into, fucking difficult to get out of.1:00Because it is, it's so hard to get out of bed. Like, say you got to get up for something, whatever it is, you got a doctor's appointment, a job to go to, a train to catch, whatever it is.1:07So the night before, you work out how long it's going to take you to get to where you got to go, work out how long it's going to take you to do everything you got to do before you get there.1:13You work everything out the night before with military precision, and you set your alarm clock accordingly.1:19Next morning, alarm goes off, all of a sudden you reassess.1:28Reassess in a, dare I say it, slightly more optimistic fashion.1:35Suddenly your life's very streamlined. Suddenly it's like 10 minutes in the shower, that's just indulgent.1:4315 minutes for breakfast, breakfast is for losers. 2 minutes to brush my teeth.1:47I brushed my teeth before I went to bed. How much dirtier could they have gotten while I was asleep?1:52Dreaming about chocolate doesn't count.1:55And after about 8 or 9 presses of the snooze button, you've actually, you've actually become Superman.1:59Like, I could be out of bed, in work, 5 minutes flat. Fuck the bus, it's too slow anyway.2:04I hate it when you reach that stage, though, where you're, it doesn't matter how elastic time has become in your head, you know?2:09In fact, it kind of like snaps back into place, and you suddenly realize now you're late, you know.2:14You're not just knackered, now you're in a hurry as well, and your snooze button's calling to you.2:18It's going, ah, go on, press me again.2:21Come on, you're late now anyway, you may as well enjoy yourself.2:23Come on. Who's that boss of yours tell you what time to get up?2:26Who the man? You the man. Come on, press me again.2:31Can't press snooze again, though. And it's normally around that stage that you suddenly discover a sleeping position more comfortable than anything you've experienced in your life before.2:42Where has this sleeping position been all my life? I was one with the bed.2:49That's when you gotta get up. You can't press snooze again, you can't afford another 9 minutes, so instead you turn off the alarm clock to show your commitment to the getting up process.3:00Let's get on off now, because that's me getting up now. Getting up any minute now.3:06I'm just going to have 2 more minutes. 2 more. Why are you trying to torture you?3:10You can't even enjoy those 2 more minutes, because you know now you're the sleep gambler.3:18It's a little test of your own willpower to start the day. Let's just see how long I can just hover on the very edge of sleep without actually going back to sleep.3:28I hate when you're lying there and you know you gotta get up, and you know you've turned your alarm off so there's nothing gonna make you get up, and you're just sort of lying there in a half awake,3:34half as- half awake, half asleep sort of state, and then suddenly you start to dream that you've gotten up and gone to work.3:41Oh, that's an evil trick for your subconscious to play on you, isn't it?3:45What did I ever do to you, brain, to deserve this treatment?3:48I gotta get up now, get up. There we go, getting up. That's much easier than I thought it was gonna be.3:55Get the shoes on, then the pants, that works fine. Have a bit of breakfast.3:59Oh, thanks, Dad, for making me breakfast. You don't even live in this country.4:03That was very kind of you.4:07What's for breakfast this morning? Mm, candy floss and roller skates, my favorite.4:12I think I'll toddle off to work now on me magic cloud. It's a very pleasant way to go to work, the magic cloud.4:18Hang on, I don't own a magic cloud. Oh, fuck, I'm still in bed.
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