A man obsessed with his social media presence tries to act like a hardcore gangster.
View video transcript
facebook gangsta. Yo, from 9 to 5 on a typical day, from 5 to 9 is when I start to play. Without hesitation I head to my station, pull up my homepage, give in to temptation. Crab load of invitations, wham, poop load of notifications. Got females across 50 states who are monitored frequently by their status updates. Rachel was ROTFL all day today, day. Ally loves when Oprah uses the word vajayjay. Lindsay is so hungover, OBVI. Terry is going to the party with Scotty. Who the fuck is Scotty? Bree got the b-day messages, thanks a million. Krissy is ready to party after her Brazilian. Who the fuck is Krissy? A real gangster. You better play by his rules. A real gangster. I go back to my space, fools. To Facebook gangsta. All night, all night. I bounce to satisfy my appetite. Yo, can I get a ham on rye, B? I just requested you as a friend, why you deny me? Yo, why you keep fronting, homie? I know, I know, girl is only, but yo, why you keep cramping my gangster style? Can you at least give me access to your limited profile? Apparently I picked the right direction, spot a biddy with the natural tan complexion. There it is, that familiar look. I'm, do I know you? Recognize me from Facebook. Oh my god, it's you. What you doing later? Now I had to play it cool if I was gonna date her. Baby, it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm featured all over your daily news feed. So is there something you can suggest? Don't trip when you get home, expect the friend request. Then if you're for real, if you ain't phony, I'll add you to my next event list, invite only. OMG, you rock. Can I take some quick photos? Gotta act quick, best gangster pose. It's reality, dog. Someone can tag me and knows, touch me. Time for my new motivator. Quick search and then I locate her. You wonder how I already lurk, simple son. We share the same network. I wonder if she made me a nympho. I go straight to her personal info. Why don't you give us some real graffiti? She loves date drinking and a dance party, drinking diet cola on the rocks with Bacardi. She loves group sessies, hanging with the besties. She loves shopping, Ryan Gosling, obvi. Flirting, traveling, and laughing, Mean Girls, The Notebook, and Love Actually. OMG. I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them. She loves flirting, traveling, and laughing. Yes, I'm rapping factually. Our favorite movie's Mean Girls, The Notebook, and Love Actually. Likes cold rainy days and warm summer night. And being really warm on really cold nights. What? The Aloha Party. The less clothes the better. You better play by his rules. Aloha. A real gangster. A real gangster. I go back to my space, fools. To Facebook gangsta. Baby girl, I dig your flavor. Overall, you got good Facebook behavior. But baby, let me plead my case to please erase every picture of you with the fucking kissy face. But you will get a piece of the Facebook gangster. Our persona's burning up like a sauna. Hold up. Stop the beating a minute. You have a friend request. Barack Obama. I just confirmed friendship with Obama. A real gangster. You better play by his rules. A real gangster. I go back to my space, fools.
