3K views Feb 2009
A frustrated player struggles through a booby-trapped Super Mario level filled with missing floors, invisible blocks, fire bars, and unexpected hazards.
0:00 All right, Nintendo, we're gonna do this. We're gonna play this video game, you and me, Mario, we're gonna go find the princess, she's gonna be grateful, she's gonna, she's gonna give you a kiss, 0:09 and for next thing you know, you're gonna get laid tonight, all right? 0:12 So let's do this, okay, let's do this. Let's start this shit up. 0:15 World 1-1, I'm ready. Okay, and we're gonna... 0:20 What the fuck? There's no floor. I guess I have to jump at this start? 0:25 What the this is? Okay, all right, up we go, and at... How the fuck do you get over to that? 0:30 What, what are you doing there? You li- you belong in the water. 0:33 There's no water here. Okay, jump. Well, thank God you can't get up there. 0:37 Fuck this shit. Okay, I, uh, maybe I'll just come back a little bit and, uh, just take a running jump, I guess? 0:44 Uh, here we go. Ah! Not even clo- What the fuck? You... Fuck you, blooper. 0:50 God damn it. Okay, so I'm gonna, let me just do it real quick. 0:53 Ready? And we jump. Yes, yes, okay, over we go. Fuck, the little hole, I didn't go in the fucking hole. 1:00 What the... All right, okay, 1-1. All right, a little jump. We take a big jump, we jump, hit the blooper in the hole. 1:07 Oh yeah, fuck you, yes. I'm the, whoa, that's a big fire stick. 1:12 Oh, gotta get over there. Okay, all right. I gotta just get right over there, wait for the fire stick, and up! 1:18 What? Who put that there? Where did that come from? Fuck that. 1:24 Who designed this fucking level? God damn it. Okay, up, here we go, all right. 1:29 So I know there's like an invisible block I can't see. There we go, got it, yes. 1:34 Okay, up, get the big up. I'm a man. Oh yeah, much bigger. Yeah, do some push-ups, and we, what? 1:41 No, fuck that. How did that happen? I was inside of the tube. 1:46 Fuck. Okay, up we go. We do a jump. We jump up and hit the blooper, and now we watch out for the invisible block and the stick of flames, and we get the mushroom. 1:57 All right, couple push-ups here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so there's like a, there's like a little hop, hop. 2:04 Yes, I'm the man. I'm the man. Fuck you. Okay. Oh, all right, here we. 2:10 Fuck, I should have realized that that is bullshit. That is cock, caca, caca. 2:17 All right. Up. I did not make it that time, Mario. I'm sorry, that was my bad. 2:22 My bad, Mario. I apologize for that. All right, up. Here we go, we do a jump. 2:27 Good job, blooper. Over here, stick, make sure to not hit the invisible block. 2:32 Yep, get the big mushroom. Yes. All right, yes, yes. And we jump. 2:40 Up, up. All right, don't go in there. Okay, okay, so just got to get on that little, little jumpy platform, the little pla- Ah, you fuck! 2:47 Why do they do that? That was the second time I should realize this. 2:53 God, fuck that. God damn it. All right. 2:58 This is, this is a nightmare. This is, who designed this? Bowser, King Koopa has never had level designers of this quality. 3:07 Fuck. Oh, oh. Yeah, I'm the man. Fuck you. Okay, so I'm gonna hit that 'cause I know it's there. 3:13 Yeah, I got it now. All right, and we got a, oh yeah, there we go, a goomba. 3:18 Fuck you. All right. Oh. How the fuck am I gonna do? What the fuck? 3:23 Okay, so I can, maybe if I sneak under there in a little hole there, I guess I don't get hit by the first fire stick. 3:28 All right. Oh, ah, that was shit. Okay, keep going. I'm invisible. 3:32 All right. Oh, okay, that's an easy jump. I can totally get there. 3:36 Ha! Oh, oh, fuck! What? 3:39 Fuck. Okay. All right, let's get back to there. We can... What? 3:44 What? Hey, they didn't start. 3:47 I didn't start at the start. What the? All right, one more time at the start here. 3:51 Okay, left. Yep, there we go. Yes. All right, and Goomba screwed. 3:57 Get over here. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Get out 4:02 of the way. Oh, fuck. Okay. And I know there's not one of those blocks that's invisible there, but it's right here. 4:09 Fuck, I get. Fuck. God damn it, there's like a big stick there. 4:15 How am I gonna get out of there? All right, up we go. All right, kill a fucking Goomba. 4:21 Okay, we gotta get in the corner then, you know. Oh, that was sweet. 4:25 Yeah, fuck that. Yes! All right, here we go. I get up and ha ha, up and over. 4:30 Oh, fuck you. Yes! All right, I can oh, oh no. Fuck. Who put, why? 4:36 Who did that? Koopa, you are a cocksucker. Okay, I can get that going. 4:43 Nope, that that was... okay, retry. I got a redo on that one. 4:48 Ho. A redo on that shoddy performance. Sorry, Mario. All right, yes, Goomba. 4:55 Okay. Oh God, this is, this is a nightmare. This is fucking worse than... 4:59 oh. This is fucking worse than an R. L. Stein book. Fuck, oh, fuck, what? 5:04 Where did that come from? Fuck. Oh. 5:10 This is terrible. This is fucking worse than, it's fucking worse than an episode of Family Guy. 5:16 Ugh. This is so shitty. Okay, over we go up, why, and up. Yeah, fuck you. 5:22 I love it. Okay, now over the left this time. Okay, gotta get, get it, get it. 5:27 All right, I can totally get up here. And but, oh, fuck, what? 5:30 No, my, my platform! Oh yeah, oh, no, no, no! 5:35 What? Who did this? Fuck! Ah! 5:41 This shit is fucking worse than panic at the disco. Fuck! Ah! 5:46 Okay, all right. Yeah. All right, so over here, over, and look at me. 5:51 Oh. 5:54 That was your fault. I'm gonna go with your fault, Mario. I'm sorry, I was not. 5:57 I, I did the correct input there. You fucked up. This is fucking worse than Ann Coulter. 6:04 This is worse than Ann Coulter. Fuck. Aja. What, what, what, why sometimes? 6:12 You're not, you're never supposed to. What? Oh, fuck. At least this fucking Goomba's taking a... 6:19 God damn it. Thank goodness I have, like, W blue sky lives there. 6:25 Shit. 6:28 Oh, fuck! Goombas can suck my balls. God damn fucking goombas. 6:34 All right. Yes, over. See, the fire flames aren't in the right spot there. 6:39 Over left. Okay, get it quickly, quickly, jump. All right. Okay. 6:43 Okay, I know that's there. Watch out for the bullet bill. Yeah. 6:48 No, God fucking... Oh, hey, ho. How did I go through the tube, man? 6:53 The God is on my side, not your side, Bowser. Fuck you, King Koopa. 6:59 Eh, gotcha. All right, yeah. Oh, yeah, fuck. Okay, here we go. 7:06 Leap of faith, only leap of... Fuck! What the f- God fucking! 7:11 Why? Half of the time it's in the right spot, and the other half it's not. 7:15 I'm gonna go with this being in the right, the right spot. Okay. 7:20 Oh God. 7:23 Oh, but see, this time it wasn't up there like a cunt. 7:27 Fuck! Fuck! Okay, get it up, get on there. Jump, jump around. 7:33 Get on there. Up, up, up, up. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 7:38 What are you? Why was... what? Fuck! 7:47 All right. 7:50 This is, this is fucking worse than reading YouTube comments. 7:55 Fuck! 7:57 Oh God, ah, ah! Yeah, that made sense. That made a lot of sense, fucking Mario game. 8:04 Oh God, you get up there, you get up there, you don't have time to play this game. 8:07 Yeah, now that's great. Good job there. Yeah. Good job. Hey! 8:15 I like this. I'm getting better, you know, I'm getting, getting stronger. 8:19 I feel, I feel alive playing this game. Yeah, I'm doing all right. 8:26 Get past all the hard shit, you know? Yeah, that that doesn't make sense, but I don't care anymore. 8:33 Okay, up. What? Here we go around. Go around. Oh, oh. 8:39 I take it back, this is shit. You're breaking my balls, Mario! 8:43 God damn it! 8:46 Fuck, ah, shit. You know, at least I got 23 coins. That's really what matters in this workaday world. 8:55 Fuck. Why were you on that side, fire stick? Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. 9:02 Up, up, around, around. Watch out for bullets, bullet bill. Okay, 1, 2, 3. 9:09 Yes! All right! This looks good, this looks good. Fucking big stick there. 9:16 This is fucking... Get down, get down, get down. Hopla! Thank you, Bullet Bill. 9:21 Thank you for, for shuffling me off this fucking mortal coil, you cock. 9:26 Oh God damn it. Oh fuck. Oh my God. Oh fuckity shit. 9:32 This is just becoming rote. This is my life. This is what I do. 9:36 You know, Mario, I have, I have a lot of respect for you because, you know, if I were from New York and like, like I went through fucking my toilet and suddenly found myself in a kingdom where I had to rescue some dumb bitch who always fucking gets herself kidnapped. 9:52 All right, here we go. I would not have the patience for this shit. 9:55 Okay, okay. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Get down, get down, get down. Oh my God, the f- What? 10:00 Oh my God, I'm so close! I'm so close! All right, can I just get up here? 10:04 And fuck, fuck! Oh no! That fucking hit my fucking baby toe! 10:09 No, that did not just happen to me. That did not just ha- fuck that! 10:13 God damn it! 10:15 Fuck! Oh, this is, this is the worst. This is the worst. 10:22 I, I was so close, Mario. 10:26 Okay, this, this is easy. This is easy. This is like I do this in my sleep. 10:30 Look at me do this. Yeah, whatever. 10:34 What? What? That has never happened before. That's a unique way to die. 10:38 That's a unique way to die. All right. Oh, fuck, fuck. God damn it. 10:45 Oh, fuck. Okay. 10:48 All right, okay, okay. Oh, you didn't land on the little platform. 10:53 You're getting cocky, Mario, you son of a bitch. Getting cocky. 10:58 Oh, fuck. 11:02 Oh, fuck, fuck. 11:05 Fuck, fuck. This is fucking worse than The Da Vinci Code, both the novel by Dan Brown and the film. 11:11 This is worse than that. Fuck. Ah, shit. Come on. Yeah, Bullet Bill, I'm tiny, so you just pass right over me. 11:19 Yes, yes! I just got one of you son of a bitches. All right, this is the time, this is the moment, this is it. 11:27 I'm the king of New York. Okay. I am the king. Like, all I have to do is clear you, and I'm just a man. 11:32 All I gotta do, all I got. Yes! I got 100, but I don't care. 11:36 Woo! Yeah! Fuck, that's it. We're done. 11:42 We don't have to go on. There's nothing else. Oh yeah! Who the fuck builds a castle under a wall on top, like a ceiling like that? 11:48 But doesn't matter, because you don't want anyone to come to your castle. 11:51 6! Oh, give me 6. 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh yeah! Fuck that fucking cock! 11:58 All right, now we're outside, apparently. That's gonna happen there. 12:01 And up! Hey, they gave me a platform. That's pretty badass. Okay, all I gotta do is just jump. 12:07 Oh yeah, I knew they were gonna do that. I knew it. Fuck. Fuck! 12:12 Why did they do that to me? All right. Okay, I get, I know there's a block there. 12:18 Just get over it! Thank you! Yes! Sweet release, my friend. 12:23 Yes. Oh! I jumped a little too far there. A little bit too much vigor, firm, firm vigor there. 12:32 Up! Up! Not, not far enough. Okay, all right. 12:39 Come on. 12:43 Mario, come on, work with me here, Mario. It doesn't work this way. 12:46 I press the button, and you do what I ask you to do. We relay through electrical signals. 12:50 I ask you, you jump. Okay, now you're just fucking me over. Do you enjoy death? 12:56 Do you enjoy it? Do you want to keep going to death? Jump over the fucking thing. 13:01 Jump over it! Yes, kill him! Yes! You're getting a lot of points, my man. 13:06 You are getting a lot of points. Aha! Fuck yes! Got on the little block. 13:10 Okay. What the fuck this kind of elevator shit's going on? What the fuck? 13:15 Up! Aha! That's how I'm going to get into this elevator. Who builds an elevator in a castle like this? 13:22 All the platforms go up to a spinning ball of death at the top. 13:26 I guess I am supposed to go in those little, like, fucking portholes there? 13:30 All right, let's see if I can do that. Oh, oh, fuck, fuck, get in the port! 13:34 Oh, that's... 13:37 That's what I was hoping to do, Mario, you know it. I was hoping to go, go and die up in the ceiling there. 13:42 That's fuck this. I fucking forgot that time. Fuck. All right. 13:49 Okay, I get to stick it over this soup like fuck. Ah, God! How? 13:56 What are they ex- what do you want from me? What, what, this is, this is the worst thing. 14:02 This is... 14:07 No, this is not... God, I was, I, I, I thought... 14:15 Come on! Mario? Mario? 14:21 Mario d- 14:26 No words. No words. 14:31 Fuck! Fuck! This is fucking worse than anything that's ever happened. 14:35 This is a fucking horse cock in a tiny mouth. This is the worst. 14:38 This is bullshit. This, this is fucking, that is bullshit that they put that there. 14:43 How am I g- how do you, what, sometimes it bo- I hit it, and other times I do the same fucking, see, there we fucking go. 14:50 Now I jump on the tiny little block there, like that. Yes, fuck you. 14:54 All right. Okay, now hit the block so I can get in the elevator. 15:00 Okay, I gotta get in a little hole there. Good, good, good, good, good. 15:03 Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 15:06 Oh, watch out for the... Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 15:10 I just took like one step on it. One step, one tentative step, and they take me up to the ceiling. 15:16 Fuck! God damn it. 15:22 God damn it. Okay. Okay, elevator. What? 15:28 Elevator. 15:31 Uh, I'm gonna see if I can... All right, here we go. Go, go. 15:35 Ho ho! Freebie! Got through on a technicality. 3, 4. All right. 15:42 Okay, just gotta get over there. There's a little coin in there. 15:45 I think I'm gonna get that one. Okay, let's go get the- Fuck that! 15:49 Fuck! Fuck! God damn it. Why, why do I always fall for this shit? 15:57 This is not funny anymore. Nope. I'm gonna get bad, man. It's not a good reflection on me as a gamer. 16:04 Not, not so. Ha ha. Fuck. Do do do do do do do do. 16:13 Yeah, I could, I could be doing a lot with my life. I could be going out and solving, solving the problems of the world, but I don't know why. 16:19 You and me, Mario, we gotta do this. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I'm gonna just, we'll call it 50-50 there. 16:25 That was half me, half of you. Fuck! 16:30 Ah, ha! Son of a bitch. Ha ha! I- I've never died that way. 16:37 All sorts of ways, but never hitting my head on that series of blocks there. 16:41 All right, here we go. Here we die. 16:46 I love that music, Mario. I love it. Love it because it's gonna follow me to the grave. 16:53 But not you, you are apparently invincible. You have infinite lives. 16:56 Hey, just for good measure, we did it again, right, Mario? We did it again, right? 17:01 We we kill ourselves again. Fuck. Hey, I... 17:12 Now I gotta focus. I gotta focus. I gotta focus on this. All right. 17:17 The block. Okay, yes, yes, yes. Focus. Hit this block, jump on top of it. 17:24 Now I come and I'm presented with the elevator. I will take the elevator one step at a time, one rung at a time, okay? 17:32 And... gotta wait for a second for it to get there just to where I want it to be. 17:39 Come on, come on. Papa needs a new... Yes! All right, okay, in there. 17:45 Okay, and now just stay away, stay away from it. Yes! I'm there. 17:49 All right. Okay, now I know there is a block there, so I can get on top of that block, get the coin. 17:55 Ha ha! What the fuck are you eating the ceiling for, you dumb shit? 17:58 Fuck you. And everything in this fucking castle is filled with shit. 18:02 Yes! Oh! All right. Goombas. Ha! What? What? Goombas? 18:08 What? Fuck! Goombas! No! 18:15 I'm still smiling because of the goombas that killed me there. 18:18 There was a goomba. A goomba killed me. 18:22 Fuck! Da da da da da da da. A fucking Goomba. 18:29 All right. 18:33 That's a nipple. That is a nipple in the mouth right there. That is a nipple in the mouth, but like a ugly nipple. 18:39 Ugly nipple that's like a fuck, not a nipple, like a barbed wire nipple or some shit. 18:44 This is fucking terrible. This is, this has gone beyond a horse cock. 18:48 This is a fucking dinosaur dick. Big old dinosaur dick. 18:53 Right where the sun don't shine. T-Rex comes from the past in a fucking time machine, and he fucking take, takes, tears you a new one. 19:01 Takes you down, takes you down Chinatown. Fucking dinosaur Chinatown. 19:04 This is shit. 19:07 Oh, god damn it. Come on, elevator. Elevator go up. Elevator go up. 19:13 Elevator go up. Up, up, up, up, ba. 19:18 Yeah, Mario, you give me this look like, what the fuck, man? 19:21 I don't know. You know, you fucking know better than that. Fuck you. 19:25 Fuck you. I hope you like it down there. Hope you like it. Who builds a castle like this with no floor? 19:31 Who builds a castle like this with fucking bouncy things and like a fucking turtle that can only go like a fucking foot and walk backwards next to a flame stick. 19:41 Who bit- fuck you. And who mastered the art of invisible block technology? 19:46 Because I need some. I need some of that shit. That's awesome. 19:50 Fuck. 19:53 You know, I, I almost, I got to some Goombas, actually, one time. 19:57 It was nice. Fuck. I. Can't get this for the life of me. I've lost it. 20:02 I can't do this. Come on. World 1-2. Here we go. 20:08 Fuck. 20:11 Fuck. 20:21 No! No! Come on! You're not! 20:27 I cl- God, I seem like, seems like it's gonna do it this time. 20:31 Then no! Then no, fuck you, man, fuck you. 20:36 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. God, god damn it. God fucking damn it. 20:41 This is fucking horseshit. This is, this is... Yeah, yeah, ho, ho. 20:47 That was, that was an interesting way. I've never, that, that was something I was not, I was not prepared for. 20:52 That was interesting. I will give you that, Mario. You find new ways to die. 20:56 Ah! And the same ways you can find it. God damn it. 21:00 I've been doing this for 20 minutes, Mario. 21:03 Come on. Come on, work with me. Jump. You fuck. 21:11 Okay. 21:16 Yeah, it's still there. Still there, Mario. Just thought you wanted to check in on that. 21:20 At least you've got different lives now. You have little W and like a, like a black up, up, up. 21:25 You did that already, Mario. Old hat. I've seen it, okay? See, yeah, that's your lives there. 21:32 God damn it. Come on. 21:42 Come on. 21:43 God! No, no, no, no, no. Fuck. 21:51 You can, you, you can do, yes, yes, yes. Oh God, oh man, I have a new lease on life, man. 21:55 I, oh yes. All right, okay, oh yes. All right, okay, here we go. 22:00 Get the invisible block and get on top of it. Elevator. Okay, I can do this elevator this time. 22:05 Oh yes, I can just get right in there. All right, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 22:09 Okay, and there we go. Whoop, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! 22:14 Didn't get it this time, no. No, sorry. I did not, did not get it. 22:24 Didn't get it that time either, no. 22:28 Oh my God, yes, yes! Oh God, this is a minor victory. 22:34 Fuck you, Mario! What was it? Exclamation point. 22:41 Come on. I can... 22:45 I hate everything that has ever existed. 22:47 Everything. I hate everything. I hate everything. 22:51 This is the whole world, I just... 22:52 Oh, oh, oh God, I love everything. Ho ho la la la. Ayah, ayah ya ya ya. 22:58 Okay, come on. Okay, here we go. I got this. Fucking oh God, oh my God, you better get this, you fun son of a fun. 23:07 Okay. 23:10 Okay. 23:10 Yes, yes. Oh man, there was an invisible block here, I bet it yes. 23:15 All right, and... 23:19 There's no excuse for that incompetence. There's no excuse for that incompetence. 23:25 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 23:31 I'm done. I am done with this. I am done. We're going to put this down, and I, I am done. 23:37 I don't want to do this anymore. All right. 
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