A man laments his mundane office job and pines for his lost college days.
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The older I get the better I used to be. [Music] I am not nice right now man. I feel old. If you have a Tums, would you please put it in the air. That meeting Monday was awfully boring, I wish I skipped it. I worked my ass off but I don't make shit with this paycheck. I use spreadsheets and fax machines, don't have time to smoke no weed. Pass out at eight, wake up at six. Catch my carpool, then do it again. Man, I loved college, I wish I stayed in college for the rest of my life. Now I do taxes and act real polite. At business meetings, I talk market price. But casual Fridays are really nice. So fill my inbox, pull up my socks. I got team building, that shit rocks. I am champion at dying on the inside. I can't meet girls, not like at school. Nobody getting wasted, bitties aren't naked. If I want some ass, it's how a yoga class. Something I learned about women today is, um, they do not like if you tap the butt or you say great tits. They'll slap your face off and have you transferred down to the basement. If they're not drunk, I can't proceed. I can't spit game with girls like these. They're too mature, but then again, not college sluts, career women. Man, I loved college, and I loved drinking. I got my thermos. Man, I loved college. I can't tell you what I learned from school, cuz I didn't learn anything from school. Um, at my job I learned some rules, like put cover sheets on them Johns. And don't use the printer if the ink's gone. And don't tell the boss when he's wrong. When it comes to college, I get hard on, want to go back to school and get my bro on. All my dreams gone, nothing in the long run. College must have been just a little bit too fun. Time is wasted when you're getting wasted. Looked in the mirror and all I can say is, those college parties were awfully crazy, I wish I taped them. Now it's the real world with my real job, and I hate it. My birthday on fake IDs, the only math I thought I'd need. I'm not prepared, I'm not ready, I don't know how I got my degree. Man, I loved college. I think I'm balding. Pepto-Bismol. I loved college. Now, if everybody would please lift their name tag as high as they can. As high as they can. And repeat after me. Junior assistant, junior assistant, junior assistant, junior assistant. Intern, intern, intern, intern. Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. Memos, memos, memos, memos. Man, I loved college. I loved it. But I really should have drank less and gone to class more. Those college parties were awfully, I'm an adult now. I wish I taped them. Now it's the real world with my real job, and I hate it. My birthday on fake IDs, the only math I thought I'd need. You're next, watch out. You're set, dressing like your dad. Did I really have to graduate? Hey, I could go back and get my masters. Oh my G, whose dick is this?
