2.4K views Aug 2009
A news panel debates whether a shifting labyrinth guarded by an axe-wielding Minotaur was torture, as a Bush-era official defends the interrogation method.
0:11 I'm Juliana McCanis, filling in for Clifford Baines, who is vacuuming. 0:15 This week, the military began closing the controversial labyrinth, which for 7 years housed the brutal minotaur they used to interrogate terror suspects. 0:22 But Congress and the American people are still demanding to know who will be held accountable for authorizing the minotaur maze. 0:28 Well, I can tell you that right now. No one should be held accountable because the use of the Minotaur was necessary. 0:33 Yeah, so forcing prisoners to wander in an infinite labyrinth, living in fear of being torn limb from limb by the Minotaur may seem harsh to some people now, but you have to remember what it was like after 9/11. 0:43 That 0:43 That's 0:43 flesh hungry 0:44 right. 0:44 half man, half bull kept us safe from the terrorists. 0:46 Look, recently released classified memos show that many of the suspects held at this facility suffered serious psychological 0:52 Oh, come on. 0:52 damage because of the labyrinth's constantly shifting walls, not to mention the dozens who had their spines added to the minotaur's spine pile. 0:58 Please. 0:59 Look, I work for the Bush administration, and this is the fault of the media. 1:02 They have blown this whole minotaur issue out of proportion. 1:05 For one thing, the minotaur is only 11 feet tall, not 20, like is commonly reported. 1:09 It doesn't matter whether the minotaur used one razor sharp axe or 7. 1:12 Jason, look, the terrorists would do a lot worse to you. They'd drag you up the side of a mountain and have your bowels pecked out by griffins. 1:18 We could use griffins, but we don't use griffins, 1:20 But we don't. 1:20 and I think that's what separates us from them. 1:22 That's exactly right. 1:23 The Obama administration has released some photos of these etchings, which were found carved on the labyrinth wall. 1:28 I mean, I don't see what the debate is here. These etchings clearly prove that the interrogations constituted torture. 1:32 These don't prove anything. 1:33 No, that's right. And even if the Minotaur did act inappropriately, and I'm not saying it did, the United States cannot be held responsible for its actions because it is a beastly Minotaur, 1:41 and no chains can bind it. 1:42 And, you know, frankly, I think it's sad that now the words never-ending labyrinth of pain are synonymous with the errors made by one loose cannon minotaur, who, yeah, admittedly went too far. 1:51 I mean, the fact is that this maze violates the Geneva Convention, which prohibits the use of any bovine monster who wields an axe and has teeth longer than 9 inches. 2:00 It doesn't make sense. Every terrorist out there is now going to be trained on how to resist talking to a minotaur while he disembowels him with his razor sharp teeth. 2:08 Yeah, now you want to tie the hands and hooves of our interrogators even further? 2:11 Come on, look, there's got to be a federal investigation. 2:12 Well, the minotaur himself has some interesting suggestions on the topic in his new tell-all audio book. 2:17 I believe we have a clip from the controversial section where the minotaur talks about Dick Cheney's personal involvement in building the maze. 2:29 It's completely unsubstantiated. Completely unsubstantiated. 
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