2.8K views Jan 2010
A satirical news report covers a VH1 reality-show bus crash near Palmdale, where contestants spill onto the highway and officials struggle to contain the mess.
0:06 If you're just joining us, we are covering a developing story. 0:08 We go back now to Southern California, where a VH1 bus crashed just a short while ago, spilling more than 2,000 pounds of slut onto Interstate 5 near Palmdale. 0:18 The bus was transporting contestants for the new VH1 reality series The Road to Knoxville, in which 18 scantily clad young women vie for the heart of divorced stuntman Johnny Knoxville. 0:27 Officials there are struggling to control the spread of slut, which has already polluted the roadway and is spreading now down a hillside into residential areas. 0:35 Let's go live to Onion News Network's Brian Scott, who's live on the scene. 0:39 Brian, what's exactly going on out there? 0:41 Well, it's just horrible, Anna. The highway here was not pristine to begin with, but now it's covered in all of this orange-skinned slut. 0:48 I've only been here an hour. I've already seen 4 3-way kisses and 6 tattoos with misspellings. 0:53 And downwind, the stench of perfume and tequila mixed together is pretty difficult to stomach. 0:58 Well, it sounds like quite a scene. Brian, I understand that the sluts had been loaded onto the bus in Huntington Beach early this morning, is that right? 1:04 That's where it began, yes. The sluts were being transported from a negligee wearing rock climbing contest there to a girl on girl paintball match when the crash occurred. 1:13 There's been speculation, in fact, the accident was actually caused by some slut leaking into the front cab on the vehicle and getting on the driver. 1:20 I see. 1:20 Now, the local fire department is just not equipped to handle something this toxic. 1:24 No, yeah. 1:25 The problem is that we're very close to the San Gabriel River, and officials are concerned that the sluts might go skinny dipping in it or think it's a hot tub and make out in it. 1:33 Oh my gosh, yeah. 1:33 But we should say too that the crews, they're doing their best. 1:36 They're just trying to keep these sluts contained with impromptu strip offs and shooter contests in the ditch behind me. 1:42 Now, we just gotten word that VH1 has issued a statement. It's on their website. 1:45 It says they are fully committed to the safe handling of sluts. 1:48 Yes, but the EPA has urged VH1 to use perhaps a more diluted form of slut than this highly concentrated slut they use now. 1:55 Yeah, all sounds, uh, sounds like good stuff, but I don't think VH1's gonna ever go for that. 1:58 Brian, stay safe out there, and don't fuck any of those sluts. 2:01 All right, thanks, Anna. 2:02 Moving on, a new Apple laptop will become preloaded with a half-written coming-of-age novel. 2:05 Written coming of age novel. 
