2.2K views Jul 2009
Vince delivers a crude parody infomercial for Scamwow, demonstrating the towel's supposed absorbency with messy spills and an absurd buy-one-get-one deal.
0:00 Hi, it's Vince from Scam Now. You're going to be saying, holy shit, I got ripped off every time you use this towel. 0:05 It's like a chamois. It's like a sponge. It's fucking retarded. 0:09 Use it gay or straight, or use it on crime scenes, animal guts, dolphin jizz, or poop on your RV. 0:15 Shamwow holds 20,000 times its weight in liquid. Look at this. 0:19 Heavy as a fucking rock. I'm so strong. Dispose of it in someone else's laundry. 0:25 German Nazis used to use this stuff, so it's got to be good. 0:27 Cut it in half. Step on it. Put your ugly dishes on it. Jerk off your dog. 0:31 Idiots use this every day. Look, no different. Roll up your grandmother's sweater in this, she'll never find it. 0:37 Here's some blood, shit, piss, vomit. Not only is this illegal, there's your mildew. 0:43 Yeah, I just puked in my mouth. Okay, now we're going to do this real time. 0:47 Look at this. Find some menstrual chunks, flip it over, roll it up, wring out half your ball sweat, save it for soup. 0:54 Punch it like you're punching a midget, you little bastard. Because nobody likes midgets, right? 0:59 You follow me, asshole? See what I'm telling you? Virtually dry on the bottom. 1:04 Scam Wow, you lose money every time. It's like crack. I'm so high. 1:08 Oh, I can't eat another bite or I'll bust. 1:10 If you're gonna wash your ass, your dick, or your balls, you'd be out of your fucking mind not doing this. 1:15 All I can say is sham fucking wow. 1:17 You could spend one dollar on this paper towel, or get the mini Sham, clean up dog semen, bloody dishes, or zit juice off the mirror. 1:25 Slap your nuts with this or this? I don't know. Sham Wow sells for 19.95. 1:30 You get one for your nutsack, one for your ass neck, and two for power tool accidents. 1:35 Call in the next 20 minutes, because we can't do this all day. 1:37 You get a second set of this worthless towel for 19.95. That's 8 Sham Wows and a 10-year warranty. 1:42 Look, if you don't buy this, I will kill you. 
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