1.7K views Oct 2008
A fake news report says Domino’s researchers have spent 30 years testing how unhealthy and unappetizing pizzas can get, while customers keep buying them.
0:05 Researchers at the Domino's Pizza Institute announced yesterday that they are nearing completion of their 30-year study testing the limits of what human beings will eat. 0:13 People willingly ate everything our lab created. In fact, they pay money for it. 0:17 The results continue to surprise me. 0:19 Over the course of the study, Domino's scientists have found that decreasing the nutritional value and increasing the visual repulsiveness of their pizzas only makes them more popular. 0:28 This applies to the crispy melt pizza. It's basically one pizza inverted on top of another pizza. 0:34 It looks like something no animal should consume, much less a human. 0:37 One recent creation is constructed out of a cardboard-based crust layered in Oreo cookie crumbs and drizzled with a wax-like substance. 0:44 We hypothesized that the sight of it alone would repulse customers, but it became one of the most popular items on the menu. 0:50 The Domino's scientists now believe that a certain percentage of human beings may have a genetic predisposition to eat unhealthy foods made from other, even unhealthier foods. 0:59 The institute will next test human tolerance of the crispy nacho platter pizza, the big New York hot dog pizza, and the strawberries and cream milkshake dessert pizza. 1:09 In the final stages of the study, we plan to just top the pizzas with actual garbage, but judging from our findings, people will probably eat those too. 1:16 Dr. Morris said he initially had moral issues with conducting the test on humans, but has since come to see the subjects as, quote, cheese and sauce consuming beasts. 1:25 In international news, the equivalent of 5 Americans were killed in Afghanistan today. 
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