1.7K views Nov 2008
The Onion News Network reports that a Sequoia DRE 700 voting machine beats Obama and McCain to win the presidency, before its victory speech feed cuts out.
0:09 Welcome back. For those of you just joining us, let's get you up to speed on what is shaping up to be the political upset of the century. 0:15 Though we are still waiting on a few districts in Ohio to report, currently Sequoia Voting Systems machine number DRE700, serial number 34491, leads both Barack Obama and John McCain with 259 electoral votes. 0:31 At this point, it looks like a voting machine is on track to become the next President of the United States. 0:37 Joining us now in the War for the White House analysis bunker is Onion News Network reporter Jane Carmichael and senior election analyst Arnold Renfrow. 0:46 Jane, how did the DRE 700 pull off this upset? 0:49 Andrea, the DRE 700 is running extremely strong in districts that use electronic voting machines, where it has captured an incredible 100% of the vote. 0:57 Really? 0:58 In rural districts, ones that use paper ballots or lever machines, the DRE700 is getting no votes at all. 1:04 Arnold, why do you think that is? 1:06 Well, Andrea, you know, I think the people who have used electronic voting machines before are just more comfortable with the idea of having one as their president. 1:12 If you've never used a voting machine, you might be hesitant to vote for one. 1:15 Exactly, you know, but in broader terms, the DRE700 is a candidate that stands in stark contrast to politics as usual. 1:21 True. 1:21 Doesn't have any Washington experience, and from what we understand, it spent the first part of its life in a storage warehouse. 1:27 Wow. 1:27 And I think this shows the American people are really ready for a change. 1:30 Do you think McCain and Obama failed to gauge the mood of the country? 1:33 Is that why the DRE 700 is doing so well, Arnold? 1:36 No, no, I don't, Andrea. I think it was simply a case of the DRE being the superior candidate. 1:40 Really? 1:40 Has lots of bright colors and easy to use touchscreen, and clearly a lot of voters just found that very appealing. 1:45 Truly a remarkable night. 1:46 Yes, it is. 1:46 The Onion News Network war for the White House website has been getting a flood of emails. 1:51 John Bunning of Missouri writes, I didn't vote for the machine or know anyone who did, but that's how democracy works. 1:57 And this one from LPX776 in CA 11, who writes, DRE700 is leader. 2:03 Tremble before him and prepare to do his will. 110100110. 2:09 Positive comments, really, considering most had never heard of the machine 2:11 Excuse me. 2:12 before tonight. Arnold. 2:13 I've just been told the results from Ohio are in, and we're ready to call the state for the DRE 700. 2:18 Well, 2:19 Yeah. 2:19 That gives it a total of 289 electoral votes, which means that Sequoia Voting Systems machine number DRE 700 will be the 44th president of the United States. 2:31 Let's go live right now to Riverside, California, where it is about to make its victory speech. 2:42 We've, we seem to have, uh, lost that feed, and I'm sorry, but we seem to be having some technical difficulties. 2:46 It's not just you. 2:47 We appear to be having some kind of function. I- I'm sorry, I- I- I can't hear you. 2:51 Are you there? 2:52 Uh, we're going to ask our patient, I'm sure this out. This out. 
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