2.3K views May 2009
Watch a montage of George Costanza's most memorable Seinfeld moments, from his marine biologist story and fake architect act to his many schemes and awkward mishaps.
0:02 My name is George. I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents. 0:10 So I started to walk into the water. 0:14 I won't lie to you, boys. I was terrified. But I pressed on, and as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. 0:24 I, I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment, I was a marine biologist. 0:33 The sea was angry that day, my friends. 0:38 Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. 0:43 I got about 50 feet out, and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. 0:49 I tell you, he was 10 stories high if he was a foot. 0:53 As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, easy, big fella. 1:00 I'm grotesque. I look like a troll. 1:07 Oh. 1:10 I was throwing up all night. It's like my own personal crying game. 1:18 George is getting upset. 1:20 Look, why couldn't you make me an architect? 1:23 You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect. 1:26 I'm an architect. 1:29 I'm an architect. 1:30 I feel like my old self again, totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. 1:35 It's a pleasure. 1:38 I'll tell you something, I wish there were pigmen. You got a few of these pigmen walking around, suddenly I'm looking a lot better. 1:46 That way, if someone wanted to fix me up, they could say, hey, at least he's no pigman. 1:50 Well, it's all over. I slept up. 1:52 Oh, you don't know. 1:53 You know how fast these things deteriorate when there's an I love you out of the bag? 1:57 You can't have a relationship where one person says, I love you, and the other one says, I'm hungry, let's get something to eat. 2:08 Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia? 2:16 It's not a lie, if you believe it. 2:22 I got it! 2:28 The New York Yankees! 2:37 Yeah. 2:38 I'm not treating you to lunch anymore! 2:41 I invented it's not you, it's me. 2:44 Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me. 2:47 All right. George, it's you. 2:50 You're damn right it's me. 2:52 She's bald, Jerry! 2:55 Don't insult me, my friend. Remember who you're talking to. No one's a bigger idiot than me. 2:59 Disturbed. I'm depressed. I'm inadequate. I got it all! 3:07 Fire! 3:17 Get out of the car! 3:18 It's a perfect plan. 3:22 So inspired, so devious, yet so simple. 3:27 This is what I do. 3:29 Well, I'm out there, George. 3:30 No, you're not out there. 3:31 I am too. 3:32 You're not out there. You can't be because I am out there, and if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence. 3:42 I suppose if I had suggested Liam Neeson Day, you'd all be patting me on the back. 3:47 For all I know, this guy went out of his way to not invite you. 3:50 How am I going to feel if I show up with an uninvited, unwelcome intruder? 3:54 The way I feel when I go places with you. 3:59 Cal, it's a scorcher. 4:03 Boy, I bet you that guy could cover a lot of court. 4:05 Hey buddy, they got a new invention. It's called a napkin. 4:09 So she sees you with hot fudge on your face and she ends it? 4:12 Do you really think she'd be that superficial? 4:14 Why not? I would be. 4:38 So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen, you see an éclair in the receptacle, and you think to yourself, what the hell, I'll just eat some trash. 4:53 No, no, no, no, no. 4:56 Well, I can't walk anywhere now. I'm just going to be wishing there were walkways. 5:00 I gotta get out of this shit. 5:03 I gotta tell you, knowing you is like going into the jungle. 5:05 I never know what I'm gonna find next, and I'm real scared. 5:11 You know, just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual. 5:18 It doesn't help. 5:22 Elaine, of course I'm concerned. I'm paying for those meals. 5:27 You know that there's an unusual number of people in this country having sex with amputees. 5:34 Well, if I hear you correctly, and I think that I do, 5:40 my advice to you is to finish your meal, pay your check, leave here, and never mention this to anyone again. 5:47 Can't be done, huh? 5:49 The switch? 5:50 The switch. 5:53 Can't be done. 5:55 You mean to walk back in? That's the toughest move in the business. 6:00 You're sending me out into no man's land, and if I get shot down, I have to crawl all the way back. 6:04 Well, I can't do it. I can't do it, I tell you. 6:06 Pull yourself together. You're going in there, soldier. That's an order. 6:15 My mother caught me. 6:17 Caught you doing what? 6:19 You know. 6:24 I was alone. 6:27 I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met. 6:31 You know, in the cab on the way over here, I... I actually thought about converting. 6:38 The Latvian Orthodox? 6:39 Why not? What do I care? 6:44 Could it be because you don't want him to know that you have a friend who pees in the shower? 6:49 Oh, I think it is. All right, please, please, I cannot have this constant bickering. 6:56 Stress is very damaging to the epidermis. 7:01 Now, I have an important photo session in the morning. My hands have got to be in tip-top shape. 7:06 So please keep the television down and the conversation to a minimum. 7:10 But Georgie, what about the jello? 7:15 I'll take you to my room. 7:17 May I have one of those, madam? 7:23 Not sure how you pronounce it or anything, but I, uh, I believe it's ménage à trois. 7:34 Hi. Hi. 7:35 Scott, remember what we talked about the other day? George is into it. 7:43 Oh, really? 
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