A man demonstrates a dangerous and messy pumpkin carving tool called the Jack-Chop.
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Hey, it's Nicolo with the Jack-Chop! You're going to be in a great mood all day 'cause you're going to be jacking your fucking pumpkins away with the Jack-Chop, fucking. You love Jack-O-Lanterns, you fucking hate carving them. It's Halloween, you got trick-or-treaters up the ass, your kids are running around like retards, you ain't got time to be carving a motherfucking pumpkin, kid. But with the Jack-Chop, you're going to have a pumpkin carved in just minutes. I'm fucking serious, dude, watch this shit, all right? With regular knives, it can take forever, they're not safe for kids. But watch how the Jack-Chop slices right through the Oh, fucking hell! You, you! Cut off your fucking finger, no fucking problem, Jack-Chop! Now they're going to charge you a dollar at the CVS for one of them fake plastic pumpkins, but with the Jack-Chop you can have a real one and be the baddest dude in Revere. Now when you're carving your Jack-O-Lantern, you don't want it rolling around falling down the steps lighting your fucking kids on fire. So all you's got to do is lift it right up like this and put it down on the, put it right down on the fucking, put it on the fucking Oh! Nah, I'm all right, I'm all right. What? But you got to watch out, because some pumpkins are queer. Now it's time for the face. A happy face, a scary face, or a syphilis face. Okay, here we go. Now, all right, uh sometimes depending on the pumpkin, the skin can be real tough. But here's the best part, with the Jack-Chop all you's got to do is wet the blade with a little spit. Oh! Fucking cat! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking cat, I told you no fucking cats in the house! Ah, that's fucking tender. Other knives, they get bacteria in them, they make you cry, you're making me cry, forget about it, but with the Jack-Chop there's nothing to clean, dude. Watch this: one, and you're fucking done, kid. Now you got time to run to Dunkin's, rob a pharmacy, shoot some O.C.s, or drink a strawberry Quik. We're going to make Halloween fun again, one pumpkin at a time. And if you call now, you're not just going to get the Jack-Chop, we're going to throw in a fucking glowstick, free. Watch this. You take the fucking glowstick, you stick in your Jack-O-Lantern, looks boss. Oh, fuck, give me a Percocet. That's my eye, that's my eye, that get Come here, come here, get over here, get this thing, take the The Jack-Chop sells for $19.95, but if you call in the next 20 minutes 'cause you know we can't do this shit all day, you're going to get the fucking glowstick, free. Here's how to order. Call 555-JACK-CHOP. Call now and you'll get the fucking glowstick absolutely free. When you call, ask about our layaway plan for people in Lynn. Call 555-JACK-CHOP now. Happy Halloween!
