Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffLouis Ck Is Told To Suck A Bag Of DicksDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share2.2K views Dec 2009Louis CK recounts a strange traffic incident where a stranger told him to suck dicks. Show transcript0:03Hey, this is interesting. The other day, a guy told me to suck a bag of dicks.0:07That was interesting. I never heard that before. Total stranger told me to suck a bag of dicks.0:15A whole bag of them.0:21He was angry. He didn't just, you know, suck a bag of dicks like a greeting.0:25Oh, suck a bag of dicks to you too, sir. Thank you very much.0:29Yes. It's a lovely day for sucking several bags of dicks.0:37Now, what happened was I, I cut him off in traffic. It was just one of those things where it just, I had to get in, and no one was in my car to judge me, and I just fucking, you know,0:46I just decided he's not me, so I don't care what happens to him, and I just cut him off.0:50It's just a shitty thing to do. And it was bad because he was coming fast because he didn't imagine in a million years someone could be that big of an asshole.0:59And so when I did it, he had to slam on his brakes, and his dog went poof in the windshield.1:03It was really very bad, very bad. And the worst part is when you cut people off, they they don't vanish, they're behind you now.1:12So looking back, and he's like, fuck us! He's so mad. And he keeps trying to get next to me because he just wants to see my fucking face.1:20He's just die, he's like, I gotta see this cocksucker now. I gotta see the fucking face of the piece of shit that just did that to me.1:25And I keep cutting him off because I don't want him to see I'm ashamed of what I did.1:29No, nope, you don't.1:34Finally, we get to a red light, and I gotta face him, only because there's a car in front of me, otherwise I would have fucking blown right through there.1:40But there he is, just fucking1:44furious, and I'm like, I know it was awful, I shouldn't have done it.1:48I'm not mad, I was wrong, why would I be mad? And he's like, well, fuck you!1:52And then he starts going like this because he wants me to roll my window down, like I'm supposed to take part in my own abuse during this argument, you know.2:00Well, I'm sorry, I don't want to miss this. What do you have to say about me, yes?2:05How rude of me to shut out your anger with my...2:10So I did, I rolled it down, I'm interested.2:14And he goes, hey, asshole! I'm like, yeah.2:18He says, suck a bag of dicks!2:26Then he drove away.2:30And I was kind of sad that he drove away because I had a lot of questions.2:37That concept of sucking a bag of dicks, it's just weird. Like, first of all, when you picture a bag of dicks,2:44what do you see when you picture a bag of dicks? Is it like a plastic bag and they're all mushed in together like chicken parts and with a date written on it with Sharpie, keep it in the freezer?2:57Or is it like a paper bag and they're sticking out like baguettes, kind of like you went shopping?3:04Bringing home a bag of dicks for the kids.3:09There you go, Susie, take a blue one, you know, like a little...3:14I don't know you, they were hanging in a window somewhere, give me two of those.3:21And how do you suck a bag of dicks? What does he want me to do?3:23Does he want me to take a bag of dicks and suck it, like suck the side of the bag, or do, does he want me to open the bag and suck each dick individually and3:33throw the used ones in a bowl like edamame shells, like that?3:43Do I have to make them all come? Is, you know, like how...3:52I don't know, I never even sucked one dick, so it's not an area that I understand.3:55I've never, I've never sucked a dick. Isn't that weird? I've never sucked a dick my whole life.4:01That's weird to me.4:04It is, it's weird. Because almost everybody has sucked a dick.4:09When you think about it, most people on Earth suck dicks. It's true, because 51% of the population are women, and they suck dicks.4:15Then there's all the gay guys that suck dicks. Then there's all the straight guys who have been forced to suck a dick under various circumstances.4:22So what, there's only like a thousand of us out there who...4:28never blew anyone. Just a bunch of selfish assholes that are fucking getting blown and not blown back, you know?4:38It's like that's what people do. We all fucking suck dicks, and I haven't done it.4:43I don't have like a big reason not to either. I don't have a policy against sucking a dick.4:47It's not something I'm against doing. I just have never seen a dick I wanted to suck.4:52That's really what it comes down to. I've never seen a penis that inspired me to suck it.4:57Every dick I've ever seen has bummed me out. I hate him. I've er- I hate them.5:01They ruin my day when I see them, but that's just so far.5:06I mean, how the fuck do I know? There might be the fu- this guy right here might have a beautiful dick.5:10This guy, if I saw his dick, I might go, oh fuck, that shit's going in my mouth right now, and I just fucking...5:17and I'd have to blow him.5:20Fucking hold him down and blow him. That's the kind of, I would like rape blow people.5:24That's what I would like, hold a guy down and blow him despite him.5:27That's the kind of shit I would do, just to, you know.5:33I'm just saying I'm not prejudiced. I, I haven't seen that many.5:35There's billions, literally billions of dicks in the world, and I've seen like 40 at the most, so how the fuck would I know?5:41What, is that too many? Yeah, that's too many, right? 40, Jesus Christ.5:48I'm only 39, that's a dick a year plus another one. Why am I saying 40?5:53That's a lot.5:55That's like 2 bags of dicks right there, at least 40 dicks. All right.
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