Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffChrist Rock Money Making SystemDula TVFunny videos since 200800Share2K views Jan 2009A comedian pitches a lottery-ticket system as a path to riches, using bogus odds and absurd scratch-off advice to parody late-night infomercials. Show transcript0:02Have you ever watched those, uh, late night television infomercials? Well, last night I saw one that, you know, I d- I just loved so much that I had to record it. So why don't you s- watch this? Are you tired of working for someone else, living in your mama's house? Well, I sure as heck was, but then I stumbled upon a way of taking a small amount of money and turning it into millions and millions of dollars. And in just a few months, I went from my mama's house to the penthouse, and you can too if you learn my secret money making system, lottery tickets. Hey, I used to be just like you, had to depend on my personality to get women. Well, look at me now. That's right. And listen to how the Malcolm Monroe money making system can work for you.0:49I started with just 5 tickets a day, that's 35 tickets a week, and in only 2 years I won 20 dollars on a single lottery ticket. That was a 2000% return on my investment. Thank you, Malcolm Monroe. Keep in mind that when you use the Malcolm Monroe money making system and invest your money in lottery tickets, only 2 things can happen. You can either win or lose. That means your chances of winning are 50%. I dropped out of school in the 4th grade. I had no trouble learning the Malcolm Monroe system. It's almost as easy as picking numbers at random. You can use 7, 8, 24, even some really big numbers like, ooh, 41. But don't freak out, because Malcolm explains it all in his money making system.1:39If you put 50 dollars in the bank and come back 2 days later, how much money you got in the bank? 50. That's not right.1:47After using Malcolm's system for just 2 weeks, I won 3 million dollars playing the lottery. But hey, I wasn't ready to retire, so I figured why not put my money to work for me? And I did, reinvesting all 3 million dollars into lottery tickets.2:03When you use the Malcolm Monroe money making system, I'll teach you everything that you need to know, including the difference between such confusing concepts as pick 4 and pick 6. Now listen to more of my top people.2:20If I started using Malcolm Monroe's system 5 years ago, I'd be a legionnaire by now. I might not understand the laws of probability, but I do understand the laws of being a millionaire. Everybody kisses your ass.2:36Hey, motherfucker, answer the goddamn phone. Listen, bitch, don't make me come up there and beat your ass.2:43If you order my money-making system today, you'll not only receive the patented Malcolm Monroe 5 in 1 scratcher, 5 pounds of scratcher, 5 pounds of winning, but you'll also receive my brand new tape, Scratch Off Secrets. And Scratch Off Secrets, you'll learn every secret I know about the scratch off lottery. You'll learn secrets like scratching all the boxes at once, scratching off the boxes one at a time, scratching off the boxes vertically, scratching off the boxes horizontally, scratching off the boxes corners first, then the insides, scratching off the boxes insides first, then the corners, scratching off the boxes willy nilly, scratching off every other box, then going back and scratching the remaining boxes. Scratching off the boxes you feel have the winning numbers, and then going back and scratching off the others. And there's so much more. Remember, I went from my mama's house to the penthouse, and you can too. In fact, if you buy my money-making system, I'll give you an unconditional guarantee it'll make at least one of us rich, and that's my promise.3:51May not actually constitute a real promise.3:53Yeah.
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