1.9K views Jun 2009
John Hodgman jokes about nerds, jocks, and President Obama at a White House correspondents' dinner, playfully questioning whether Obama is a nerd president.
0:07 Much better. 0:10 Good evening. My name is John Hodgman. I am a very famous minor television personality. 0:21 Thank you very much, radio and television correspondents, for having me here this evening. 0:25 Thank you very much, Mr. President, for warming them up. 0:30 It is entirely appropriate for me to be following the President of the United States. 0:37 Of course, he cannot follow me, for I am the most dynamic public speaker of our generation. 0:43 As you can tell, you can feel the energy at this very moment. 0:48 Part of the reason I am the most dynamic public speaker of our generation is because I have a compelling personal story. 0:54 I was born of two worlds. My father was from Fitchburg, Massachusetts, my mother from the city of Philadelphia, which I believe is not even in the same state as Fitchburg, Massachusetts. 1:08 I grew up in Brookline, Massachusetts, your typical limousine liberal town, but I did not have a limousine until I was 12. 1:18 My parents came from working class families. We had a modest home, though we were surrounded by wealth on all sides. 1:23 We had a modest 3-story home with 16 rooms. It's true. We had more rooms than we knew what to do with. 1:30 In fact, we devoted one room solely so that I could practice, uh, the clarinet and the viola. 1:35 Yes, that's right, clarinet and viola, that's what I said. Strings and woodwinds in the same room. 1:41 I fused the 2 worlds. I made it happen. And somehow through this strange hybrid upbringing, through work and diligence, I still managed to attain the American dream. 1:52 I went on television. 1:55 It can happen. It can happen. Even in this country, a middle-aged, round-faced, weak-chinned nerd can go on television, and I am living proof. 2:08 It's hard not to be inspired, I have to say. 2:12 President, of course, has his own compelling personal story of some kind, so I've heard. 2:18 So you know what I'm talking about. 2:22 He is also born of two worlds, and that is why we look to him and to this presidency for inspiration and for hope. 2:29 Hope, finally, that we can heal the great and shameful division that has plagued our nation for so long. 2:37 I am talking, of course, about the age-old conflict between jocks and nerds. 2:43 It is, it is the culture war of our time. When I say nerd, I am not merely talking about people who are good at math or who the name, who know the names of all three kinds of hobbits, 2:55 Fallowfides, Hartfoots, and Stoors, obviously. 3:00 And when I speak of jocks, I am not actually speaking of athletes, because athletes are people with actual beautiful skills, and they are greatly rewarded for those skills, and so they walk like giants across the earth, 3:10 unheeding to the squabbles between jocks and nerds that go on on the ground behind them. 3:14 It is a question of philosophy. The last administration did not have a lot of world-class athletes in it, but it was clearly a jock administration. 3:22 I don't say this with judgment, I don't look down on it, it's simply a question of philosophy. 3:25 They proceeded at all times from intense confidence and certainty what what they were doing was correct. 3:31 They privileged gut instinct over complexity and bookish rumination. 3:35 They probably hated anyone who used the word privileged as a verb, and they were led by a cheerleader, obviously. 3:42 Most of the reporters in this room probably worked on their high school newspapers. 3:47 You are nerds. You proceed from a different philosophy, not of certainty, but of questioning. 3:52 You are the questioners, the reality testers, you know, the nitpickers. 3:56 That is why you are so annoying sometimes. Not like the jocks, who are great to be around. 4:02 You interviewed the jocks, you know they're likable, confident, nice to be around, not so much you and me, I'm afraid. 4:09 Uh, radio talk show hosts are jocks, bloggers are nerds. This is obvious. 4:13 Newspaper men and women used to be jocks because they used to run things. 4:17 Now, more like ham radio operators. 4:22 RadioShack hobby nerds. I'm sorry. This is called winning them over, Mr. 4:26 President. Got them in the palm of my hand now. Absolutely. Speaking of, uh, Supreme Court nominees, uh, strict constructionist jocks. 4:35 Anyone who believes that they know, uh, the original intent of the framers of the Constitution are obviously jocks because A, they hate hippies, and B, uh, they neglect the fact that the Constitution is perhaps the most geeky document of all time. 4:47 It is essentially the, uh, frequently asked questions list of the United States that was written by moneyed, sickly, bookish, bifocal wearing nerds who believed that God was a distant, 4:58 uncaring dungeon master. 5:03 You know where I stand in this great divide. I'm a big fat geek, and there are those of you who will say, wait a minute, didn't he earlier say he was a nerd? 5:11 There's a difference between geeks and nerds, of course, and to you people, I say, shut up, nerds. 5:17 This is not the time for bickering. This is a historic moment, because seated to my right right now is the person that some people say is the first nerd president of the modern era. 5:33 Look at the evidence. It is said that he collected, uh, comic books as a child. 5:38 He is facile with a Star Trek reference. Uh, he knows who the father of Superman is, Jor-El, J-O-R hyphen E-L. 5:48 Get it right. 5:51 He is not only comfortable with technology, uh, but he is apparently addicted to his name brand smartphone that I shall not name for contractual reasons. 6:00 He is a writer. He writes books even when he doesn't have to, and he speaks of restoring science and the concept of objective reality to the public square. 6:12 It is an exciting time to be a nerd. There is talk in some states of even decriminalizing, uh, evolution. 6:20 At this very moment, 6:23 the fate of Iran is strangely entwined with the sleep schedules of the geeks who maintain the servers at Twitter and YouTube. 6:35 And even the president seems to appreciate that we've reached a turning point in history, a triumph, or dare I say, a revenge of the nerds. 6:45 But we in the nerd community are nervous, more so than usual. 6:51 We are wary, Mr. President, I have to say, I'm sorry to say. 6:54 Are you really one of us? Because after all, despite his spockish, calm, and gangly frame, 7:06 the president is known to dabble in sports, 7:11 and not just bowling, 7:15 but the hard stuff, what they call basketsball. 7:21 Last spring, he was seen constantly looking at March Madness brackets, and I was encouraged by this because I presumed March Madness brackets were some form of obscure punctuation. 7:31 I thought, I thought he was a typeface nerd, my kind of people, but apparently it's some kind of sporty flowchart that I don't understand. 7:39 I don't know what to believe anymore, frankly. You know, the talk radio hosts say that the president, uh, is a mystery. 7:45 There is no documentation of his existing before this very night, frankly. 7:49 We have no proof that he is an American citizen, or for that matter, an Earthling. 7:56 And I think it's a legitimate question. Is the president truly nerdcore, or is it all just an act, as fake as those obviously prosthetic ears? 8:09 Now, 8:12 you people do an amazing job, but you're not asking the hard questions about this president's nerd credentials, and so it falls to me. 8:20 Can I have the first slide, please? 8:23 Okay, there we go. This is a picture that I found on the internet, Mr. 8:28 President. For those of you listening on the radio, there's a picture of the President standing in front of a statue of Superman. 8:36 It was taken in Metropolis, Illinois by Clyde Wills of Metropolis Planet. 8:40 Sir, is this a doctored photo, or is this a real photo? Did you know that statue was behind you when you had that photo taken? 8:48 I, I had read on the internet, sir, that, uh, this was, this photo was on your Senate website for a period of time. 8:53 Is that true? Why is it not the homepage of WhiteHouse.gov? 8:59 Are you ashamed? Sir, are you ashamed of your friendship with a statue of Superman? 9:07 Next slide. I'll move on. 9:10 Okay. Here we have the actor Leonard Nimoy, also a prosthetic ear enthusiast. 9:17 You two would get along. In fact, on the public radio show Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, Leonard Nimoy claimed that in Chicago you flashed him what is known as the Vulcan salute. 9:27 Is that true, sir, or is... Oh, geez. 9:41 All right, you passed that one. 9:44 But what about this? I have read that as a child you read Spider-Man comic books and Conan the Barbarian comic books. 9:54 Which one is that that we showed on the screen? It was, it was, it was Conan. 9:59 It was, I'll just tell you. Conan the Barbarian. There it is. 10:03 Now, do you happen to remember, sir, what was the name of the god that Conan the Barbarian worshipped, the fictional god that Conan the Barbarian worshipped? 10:13 You stumped me on that. 10:14 I stumped you on that one. The answer is Crom. By Crom. You don't remember that, sir? 10:20 Have... 10:23 I see. 10:30 Have you and your family chosen a church in which to worship Krom yet? 10:41 America wishes to know. There are some who claim, sir, that you are the Kwisatz Haderach. 10:48 Hello, nerds. 10:51 I'm sure you know, Mr. President, and the five people back there. 10:56 When I say Kwisatz Haderach, I am referring to the novel Dune and the galactic messiah that was prophesied by the all-female religious cult called the Bene Gesserit, who were addicted to the spice melange, 11:07 which was produced by the giant sandworms on the desert planet of Arrakis, also known as Dune. 11:12 Why, look. 11:16 Oops. Oh, I gotta go back now. There's a giant sandworm now. 11:23 Now, I know you know all of this, so you won't mind a quick 3-part question. 11:30 Sir, what is the name of the giant sandworm in the original Fremen language of Dune? 11:36 What is the machine that is used to summon such a sandworm? And what is the name of the hallucinogenic vomit that the sandworm expunges when they have been drowned in water? 11:48 Don't think about it, sir. These are easy questions. There is no reason you should not know this, and in fact, America awaits your response. 11:55 Sir, if you are truly a nerd, it's uh, no, excuse me, excuse me. 12:09 I have to let it seep in. 12:14 I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lost control. I'm sorry, Mr. President. 12:19 It is my fault. You are clearly not exactly the person we hoped you would be. 12:28 And perhaps it was wrong and impractical and unrealistic of us to lay such hopes upon you. 12:34 The reality is we are geeks. We are defined by our passions and our enthusiasms, but also by our open-mindedness. 12:42 Now is not a time for purity tests, but I am nervous. I am nervous because this is a beginning. 12:48 Princess Irulan said, a beginning is a delicate time, and it is unsettling to realize that the time that we are in is not a triumph of the nerds. 12:59 This is not the end of something happening. This is the beginning of a long journey, and many of the categories and labels that we have used to define ourselves and divide ourselves are evaporating, 13:11 and while that is exciting, it is also unsettling and scary. 13:15 In many ways, uh, the talk radio shows are, uh, talk radio show hosts are correct. 13:21 The president is a complete mystery to me, but no more so, uh, than the future itself. 13:26 And as I am a geek, I am obliged to embrace the future. So I'm happy to turn to the president and extend what I consider to be the most American of greetings. 13:36 Sir, though we may not always agree, I have been and always shall be your friend. 13:42 Live long and prosper. Thank you very much. 
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