Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffDrunken PresidentDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share1.5K views Mar 2010A hungover man wakes up to learn he is the president, while a Secret Service agent recounts his drunken rise to power and bizarre achievements. Show transcript0:08Oh, my head.0:11Whoa! Who the hell are you?0:14Special Agent Mitchum. Good morning, sir.0:18Oh man, oh, this is bad. Oh look, I'm, I'm sorry, I'll get out of here.0:22I gotta get home.0:23You are home, Mr. President.0:28Who are you talking to?0:30You, sir.0:32Where am I?0:33You're in your bedroom, sir.0:36Okay. If I'm in my bedroom, then how'd you get in here?0:39I have a key. We all do.0:43We?0:44The Secret Service, Mr. President.0:47The Secret Service, Mr. President.0:54Okay. Okay. Well, if I'm the president, what's the president doing in this dump, huh?0:59Oh, you've done some redecorating, sir.1:06Nice helicopter.1:07It's yours, sir.1:09Okay, look, the last thing I remember was being at the Piper's Pub with my girlfriend.1:14She asked me what I thought about seeing other people, and I told her I'd get back to her after I had 30 beers.1:20There's really not much more to the story, sir. You got piss drunk, ran for president, and won.1:27How long have I been drunk?1:29You've just started your second term.1:32You're saying the people of America elected a drunk man president?1:36And then reelected him.1:38This is impossible. My name is David Herman. I failed high school twice.1:43I butter bagels for a living. How, why in the hell would anyone elect me president?1:48Well, I think people found you kind of refreshing, sir. I mean, you are pretty upfront with your views.1:52I don't have any views.1:53Maybe not now, sir, but when you get in front of a TV camera with a bottle of Jack Daniels, you can be extremely opinionated.2:01You've changed America.2:03How?2:04Well, you ended the war against crime with your brilliant give us your guns or we'll blow your freaking heads off bill, and you won the war against drugs with your brilliant give us your drugs or we'll blow your freaking heads off campaign.2:15I actually said freaking?2:17No, sir, but I'm a Mormon.2:20Look, I am the first to admit that America isn't the swiftest country in the world, but this is absolutely2:24People were skeptical at first, sir, but when you gave your famous bitch slap to America speech, they really started to listen.2:30So I just get drunk and people listen.2:32Yes, basically that's it, sir. Your campaign slogan was, hey America, last call.2:37What does that mean?2:39I don't know, sir, but it was sure a hell of a lot catchier than 4 more with Clinton and Gore.2:43Oh God. It's like a nightmare.2:45Actually, no, sir. In 5 short years, you put men on Mars and acquired 3 new states.2:503 new states?2:51Cuba, Saskatchewan, and Germany.2:53And how exactly does one go about acquiring 3 new states?2:57Well, with Cuba, you just simply woke up one morning, went to the UN, and told the people, and I'm quoting here, Cuba's now part of the United States.3:04Anybody got a problem with that?3:06And nobody had a problem with that?3:08Well, the ambassador of France had certain objections, but that ended when you asked him to step outside.3:13Saskatchewan was a straight up trade with Canada.3:15What'd we give him?3:16Aerosmith.3:17I see. And when you say Germany, that's Germany as in Germany, Germany, right?3:22Oh yes, you won Germany in World War III. World War III only lasted 20 minutes, and it ended with you smashing a bottle over the chancellor's face.3:30But, uh, perhaps your greatest achievement, sir, was your cure for cancer.3:33How did I cure cancer?3:35Well, you took 9 of the heads of the world's largest corporations and gave them all cancer.3:39Within 7 months, we had 4 different cures.3:42So I'm like the perfect president.3:45Actually, no, sir. Alcoholism's become a big problem.3:47Oh, well, no kidding. Wait, wait, what do I do now?3:51Have some breakfast.3:52No, I mean, what do I do now that I'm sober?3:54Have some breakfast. Breakfast, of course, being a bottle of gin.3:58Okay. Then what?4:01Well, then at 12 o'clock, you've challenged the Speaker of the House to a pissing contest.4:06After that, you're taking the missus for a joyride in Air Force One.4:09Who am I married to?4:10Winona Ryder.4:11Ah! No kidding.4:13No kidding, sir.4:14Uh, you know what? Cancel the pissing contest, hand me that bottle of gin, and send for the first lady.4:19Done.4:19And uh, Mitchell?4:22Yes, sir.4:22Don't tell anyone you saw me this way, OK?4:24Who'd believe me?4:25Oh.
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