Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffThe Green ClarinetDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share1.3K views Jul 2009A bullied office worker gets a green clarinet that forces people to reveal embarrassing truths, but its power is challenged by a red tuba. Show transcript0:00So get your blobby act together or your history. Get out.0:09Hello, Alan.0:14How do you know my name?0:15I've seen them picking on you. It's not fair, but all that's about to change.0:21I've got something very special for you.0:24Oh, really? Really?0:29Point this at someone and blow into it, and it will reveal an embarrassing truth, a truth they will be unable to deny.0:38What the hell are you still doing here? Get back to your desk.0:44I wet the bed until I was 12, until I was 12, until I was 12.0:48I wet the bed until I was 12. I had wet legs in the morning.0:58Use it wisely, Alan, for it has great power.1:10Excuse me, I was here first.1:11I don't think so.1:15I secretly harbor racist views, racist views, racist views. I secretly harbor racist views, racist views, racist views.1:23I secretly harbor racist views. I don't think Asians drive well.1:30That's 25.40.1:33Did you say you'd pay for mine?1:35What do you mean?1:38It would be my pleasure.1:4222, 4.1:46So that's a full 20%?1:48And a company car.1:52Fine. I'll sort that out.2:03I'm sorry, sir, we are fully booked.2:06Right this way, sir.2:20I warned you. I told you to be careful, but you have abused the green clarinet.2:25Now you must pay the price. You must give back the green clarinet.2:29No way.2:30Then I shall take it from you.2:33Oh, you can't do that, I'm the green clarinet man.2:36You think you're magic but look like a twat, look like a twat, look like a twat.2:40I think I'm magic, but I look like a twat. My mom has made my costume.2:45You scratch your ass and sniff your hands, sniff your hands, sniff your hands.2:49I scratch my ass and sniff my hands. I find the smell erotic.2:54You're not allowed near local schools, near local schools, near local schools.2:58I'm not allowed near local. The probation service tagged me.3:14Today, I think I'll have a free meal.3:16I think not, sir.3:18But you forget I have a green clarinet that makes you tell embarrassing truths.3:23Uh, yes.3:26But now I have a red tuba, which makes you shit yourself.3:39Thank you so much for the invitation to appear in your calendar, but sadly Rob and I will be, um...3:51What should I put next?3:52Uh, whatever.3:55Look, do you want to type for a bit?3:57What? I can't type, you know that.4:00Look, I'm very tired, you type.4:03Right.4:04Rob and I will be unable to take part in the photo shoot.4:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.4:10Rob.4:13Um.4:14What?4:15I'm quick with my own name. What comes next? Oh, space. Then...4:20Come on, all this will take forever.4:22You can do it faster than that.4:24No, I can't, David. I can't. Oh, pick on the non-swimmer, shoot the wounded.4:30I'm typing as fast as I possibly can.4:34Rob and I will be an4:36And A space N space D space shift I.4:42What? Why are you doing spaces between the letters?4:46Oh, I have to go back. Delete, delete, weee. Oh, I've gone too fast.4:50Dude, be careful. I nearly dropped your computer then, mate.4:54I think you better have it back.4:57I'll pop back when you've retyped the beginning bit.5:02Sadly, I will be unable to appear in your calendar, but Rob, an inveterate nudist, is very keen to take part.5:14His suggested pose is on all fours like a donkey whilst being ridden by Alastair McGowan.
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