2K views Oct 2009
Eight video game shooters compete in survival, cooking, vehicle-building, and classic gaming challenges to determine who deserves the title of top FPS.
0:02 Over the years, many FPS games have come and gone. Now, 8 challengers face off in the most extreme competition ever imagined to determine which of them has what it takes to become the top FPS. 0:57 Welcome, contestants. I've brought you all here because you represent the best. 1:02 You 8 will be competing in a series of challenges to determine the top FPS. 1:08 I don't know why they're bothering with this. We've seen the sales numbers for Halo 3. 1:14 You'll be separated into 2 teams, the Bunny Hoppers. 1:18 Bunny Hoppers? 1:20 And Team Frag. For your first challenge, you will be put to the ultimate test of survival. 1:26 You will be left alone overnight in the wilderness, and whichever team doesn't starve to death will be declared the winner. 1:37 It sure is hot out here. 1:40 What? No, it's not. 1:42 I don't think you can tell what temperature it is outside that suit. 1:45 This suit is climate controlled with Wi-Fi and satellite TV. 1:49 It's like you never leave home. 1:51 The wind is coming from the east, so we'll want our tent to face west. 1:55 Put the stakes in here, here, and here. Now, gather some dry wood. 1:59 I'll get some flint. 2:00 This guy must have spent his whole life camping. 2:03 Hey guys, check it out, I made us bunk beds. 2:06 That doesn't look very safe. 2:13 So we leave the campsite to go find wood, thinking Master Chief's gonna help fix the tent. 2:17 We come back exhausted, and there he is watching TV. 2:20 See, this thing came out. 2:25 Good night, guys. 2:29 Ah! 2:37 One thing people don't understand is the amount of chafing from these suits, and to make matters worse, I lost my rash cream yesterday. 2:44 It made for a long night. 2:46 Hey, I found some toothpaste! 2:50 Good morning, contestants. It looks like you all survived the night. 2:54 Team Frag, how did it go? 2:57 Uh... 2:58 I heard you bunny hoppers performed excellently. 3:01 That's right, sir. Well, this should be an easy decision. The person leaving is... 3:09 you. 3:10 Me? What? 3:11 Nobody likes a fucking camper, dude. 3:16 Your next challenge will test your culinary skills. Each team will prepare a meal of their choice. 3:22 Whichever team cooks the better dish will win. 3:25 I've cooked a lot of ramen in my office microwave, so what can I say? 3:29 Bring it on! 3:30 We're letting Master Chief think he's helping by giving him his own workstation. 3:34 I'm making waffles. 3:38 You've never had a better haggis. 3:43 Huh? Oh shit. 3:45 Guys, waffles are done. 3:48 Yeah, Chief, those are real. You did good work. 3:52 We're waiting for you, Gordon, in the oven chamber. 3:56 All right, Gordon, go on. 3:57 Insert the haggis. 4:05 Oh shit. 4:06 Gordon, get away from the oven. 4:08 Shutting down. 4:09 It's not, it's not shutting down, it's... 4:24 How in the bloody hell do you mess up a standard insertion procedure? 4:29 Well, I see there were some unforeseen consequences, but I trust everything else went okay. 4:35 Team Frag, what have you got for us? 4:38 Oh, uh, white truffle infused custard with sweet butter, poached Maine lobster tail, and Manila mango sorbet. 4:46 Very nice. A little salty, but nice. Bunnyhoppers, what's this here? 4:52 Head crabs. 4:54 Finally, something we're sure to win. 4:56 Hmm. Delicious. Give my comp- 5:00 Almost to the chef, we have a winner. 5:04 Soap, pack your bags. 5:06 Oh, fuck this bollocks of kids. 5:11 I hope you're all ready for the next challenge. You will each have to display cunning ingenuity, teamwork, and leadership skills to design, build, and race a vehicle made from spare parts. 5:24 Any questions? 5:25 Can I drive my Warthog? 5:27 Okay, if there are no questions, then good luck. 5:31 I don't know how we're supposed to make something from this junk. 5:35 I'm gonna make a warthog. 5:37 This is the worst team I have ever been on, and that's saying something. 5:43 Well, this seems like a pretty tough challenge. 5:45 My ass it is. Look, you've just got to use your head. Look over there. 5:51 Ah, there's the ticket, lad. 5:53 I don't think the judge's car is part of the challenge. 5:57 Didn't you hear him? He said we've got to be cunning, so he nicked some bloke's car. 6:03 Now that's cunning. 6:05 Well, we do need to one up the other team. 6:08 Aye, and look at him. 6:12 How are we supposed to compete with that? 6:16 So how are things going over here? 6:17 These guys are useless, man. 6:20 You'll have to make the best of it, I'm afraid. I'm sure the other team is putting themselves to good use. 6:30 You can't say we don't have teamwork. 6:32 Well, I think it's finished. 6:35 Hey, you know what would be cooler? Rockets. 6:38 Yeah, yeah, just put a bunch of rockets on it. 6:41 You know, that's not such a bad idea. 6:43 And lasers. 6:45 Time's up, people. 6:46 Get ready to race. 6:48 Start your engines. 6:52 Go! 6:59 Wait a minute, is that? 7:03 The way I look at it is, why bust your ass for some title when you can have a free car instead? 7:09 So long, you bloody wankers! 7:12 I have 2 payments left on that thing! 7:19 Our condolences go to the Allied Soldiers family. 7:25 Demo Man has been disqualified for leaving the set and stealing personal property. 7:30 You're all losers, but I guess we have to move on. 7:36 The theme of your next challenge is classic gaming. 7:41 This is where it all began. 7:45 I shit more pixels than this. 7:47 Each team will need to navigate your way down the track, traversing pipes and collecting coins. 7:53 The team with the best time wins. Time wins. 8:06 You gotta jump, man. 8:13 What? 8:15 Oh God! 8:24 I did it! 8:26 Well, only one death, and somebody even finished the course. 8:29 A marked improvement. 8:31 It's about time I show 'em who's boss. 8:34 Unfortunately, Louis, you neglected to jump onto the flag before entering the castle. 8:40 Ah! 8:42 Bypassing content is an exploit. You're disqualified. 8:45 What the hell, man? 8:47 I guess that leaves you two. 8:49 All the way, baby, yeah! 8:52 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the final challengers to the stage. 8:57 These two have faced trials of endurance, strength, and shame to make it this far. 9:03 In the end, however, only one will go home the winner. First up is Master Chief, a battle-hardened, cybernetically enhanced super soldier. 9:19 And I 9:24 will always own you. 9:31 And finally, from the mysterious halls of Black Mesa, an MIT trained theoretical physicist, give it up for Gordon Freeman! 10:06 Wow, I don't think we've ever had finer contestants. Master Chief, why do you think you deserve to win? 10:14 Because I own. 10:15 Uh, fair enough. Gordon, why should you be declared top FPS? 10:22 You make an excellent case as well. We'll let the viewers have the final decision. 10:28 Viewers at home, you can now go online to vote for this year's top FPS. 10:36 And the results are coming in now. 10:40 And the winner of this year's top FPS based on online votes is... 10:48 Rick Astley, god damn it. Bet. 
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