Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffA Brother Cant Catch A BreakDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share2.3K views Feb 2009A frustrated man argues with cable support over repeated service delays, fearing his missing cable will ruin a date he has carefully prepared for. Show transcript0:10Because see, this, this is what happened last time. Now, you notice this is the third time I called, right?0:14I understand that. I did see that. That's why I, that's why I0:16Okay, hold on, wait a minute, wait. So we acknowledge a brother did call previous times before this one.0:22That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm sending it to the special group.0:25Okay, okay, now hold on, wait a minute, because guess what? The last two groups, they were special too.0:30And guess what? I still ain't got no cable, and this chick gonna be here in 5 hours.0:358 o'clock is when she about to be over here. Now, if she comes here and ain't no cable, there's I, what, what-0:43I understand where you're coming from, sir, and I'm gonna say you, I mean, this lady's gonna give you a call back in the next 5 to 15 minutes to give you a time and date that, time and date that they're coming today,0:51okay?0:52Will the time and date be today is what I'm asking.0:55Yes, yes, it should be today. That's why she's gonna call you back and let you know.0:59You guarantee that?1:00I can't guarantee that, but I'm pretty sure it will be.1:03Uh-uh. Nah, nah, nah, nah. It, listen, ma'am, I don't smoke weed, okay?1:09I don't do no drugs. Uh, I probably should smoke weed 'cause it'll calm me down, but I don't smoke weed.1:14I don't drink no drinks. I got a whole cabinet full of alcoholic beverages, and I don't even drink.1:19You know who that's for? That's for the women. I don't drink.1:22I don't even get drunk. I don't even like getting drunk. You feel what I'm saying?1:26Now, I don't smoke no weed. Uh, listen, I don't smoke no weed.1:29I don't drink no drank. I don't do no drugs. I have no vices other getting the draws.1:34That's the only thing I have a problem with is women. I can't get enough of them, okay?1:38Now, now, a brother at, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, like myself, I post a couple videos on YouTube, and, you know, a couple people like them, and a couple women like them, and then they send me they pictures through text messages,1:49and and and some of them are risque, and I'll admit, I probably should not allow them to do that, but I do.1:55And the pictures be slightly naked, half naked, and some of them are fully naked, and that's cool.1:59I mean, you know, they ain't got to do all that, but I appreciate that they do that for a brother.2:04You know what I'm saying? Now, after I done put in 2 weeks with this chick, all right?2:08I done convinced her to come to the crib. I got snacks on snacks.2:12I got a fridge full of all drinks you could think of, and I got freeze pops.2:16I got a pla- I got all this stuff ready to go. I even changed my sheets to the satin sheets, okay?2:22Satin. That ain't even cotton, that's satin. Do you know how much them sheets cost?2:26Do you know Bed Bath & Beyond overcharges like crazy, and I didn't even find out about it till it was too late, and I bought 10 packs of them?2:33Now, my thing is, I done set up and did all this. Give me a fighting chance to hit it.2:38That's all I want. Can y'all give me a fighting chance to get the draws?2:42I done done all this work, and you telling me there's a high probability I'm finna be drawless?2:48Mm-mm. No, uh-uh-uh. When she came over 3 weeks ago, do you know what happened?2:53We got into an argument 'cause she claimed that I was broke and I didn't have no cable.2:57And you know what happened? Nothing.2:59What?3:00Nothing. The condom box is still unopened. Okay, you know what I'm saying?3:04And now you telling me, sir, you got a 300 hand- dollar, uh, handicap ticket, your toilet don't work, and we just want to let you know we gonna call you back 5 to 10 minutes like we did 2 weeks ago,3:14and you still may not get none. Now, and and and you, to be honest with you, and I don't mean to be rude, do you hear my voice?3:20That's stress. I'm under stress because I have not hit nothing in a long time, and internet porn ain't didin' it.3:26It ain't getting it no more. It ain't getting it no more. I can't even watch internet porn 'cause I ain't got no internet.3:32I'm sorry, I'm, I'm, ooh, I'm, ooh. I'm sorry, I'm raising my voice.3:35I apologize.3:37But your cell phone should be ringing in the next 5 to 10 minutes, and someone's gonna contact you with this, I need to help you solve the problem.3:44Okay, and and you telling me that it, there's a chance it won't be today.3:48Is that what you saying?3:49I'm not sure, sir. I'm not sure. That's what I'm telling you.3:51I cannot guarantee you someone else will be out there today.3:54Now, now, last time my cable and internet didn't work. Well, I'm sorry, are you in a rush?3:59Do you have somewhere to go? Am I bothering you?4:02No, you're not bothering me. That's what I'm here for. I'm here to help you.4:04Because you breathing hard like a brother bothering you.4:07No, you're not. No, that's just how I breathe.4:09You, you breathe hard all the time?4:11Yes, sir. I've got allergy problems, so it's, it, it, um, messes up my nostrils.4:16Your hard breathing sound like I'm a- I'm annoying you. That's what it sound like to me, but I can be wrong.4:21So I'm not bothering you?4:23You're not bothering me. No, sir. This is my job. Every day I do this.4:26Okay, good. Well, then check this out. Now, last time the cable and the internet didn't work, you know what I'm saying?4:31They compensated a brother. The problem is, is just like I told the last woman.4:36Uh, how are y'all going- you can compensate me on my bill, that's fine.4:3938, I don't care what the amount is, it it it ain't even about the money right now.4:43How am I gonna get compensated for not hitting it tonight? 'Cause I can already tell where this is gonna go, and it's gonna be another night of me not getting none, and in my estimation,4:52financially, draws are worth 27,000 dollars. So now who gonna compensate me for the draws?4:57'Cause I I I know I'm, huh, huh, who? I can't, I can't compensate you for 27,000 dollars.5:02Hey, I know you can't, 'cause a- and you know what's even crazier?5:05You want me to keep you a little secret? You know what she told me?5:07She told me it's worth a million. That's- now, ma'am, have you ever heard, listen, have you ever heard a woman say that what she got is worth a million dollars?5:15No, sir.5:15Me either, and guess what? I want to find out. You know what I'm saying?5:21God, a m- a million do- ma'am, if she, if what she has is worth a million dollars, I may never post another video again.5:27I have reached my goal. You see what I'm saying? A million dollars.5:32Now, here's the thing, here's the thing. If I don't get a phone, first of all, if somebody coming over here today, because this is stupid, you know what I'm saying?5:39You know, it cost me, and now a- a- a- a- a- if- if I don't get an opportunity to experience what I have never heard nobody say, I've heard people say it's worth a thousand, and I know women who sell it for 300 dollars an hour.5:51I have never heard a woman say it's worth a million dollars.5:54Ma'am, I want that million, and I want, you know what I'm saying?5:58Come on now, you feeling me?5:59I understand.6:00You want me to get that million as badly as I want to get the million.6:03That's what I'm saying, but someone will give you a call back in the next few minutes.6:07So you telling me in 10 minutes I'm gonna get a phone call that will help me get the million dollar draws?6:11Yes, sir.6:13I- I hope so. Because I'll tell you, I- ma'am, you don't know me.6:17If you knew who you was talking to right now, I'm telling you, I will sue Comcast for a million dollars.6:22It do not bother me if I don't get these draws today, because this will be the second attempt on my part, all right?6:27I got cereal and milk now. I got milk. I didn't even have milk before, but I got milk now because she says she like to eat pebbles or whatever it is that she eat, all right?6:34Okay.6:35So can we-6:36Well, listen for your cell phone to ring because I will be giving you a call back, okay?6:40In 7 minutes, right?6:41Right.6:43All right, I- I hope so. 'Cause that- that- that- that hard breathing sound like you laughing now, but I could be tripping.6:49I'm not laughing at you, sir. There's nothing funny about this.6:52I- it's so right. You right. Ain't- ain't nothing funny about a brother missing a million dollar drawl situation.7:00I understand completely, sir, but they will be giving you a call back, and they will try to get yourself situated today, okay?7:06All right, I hope so.7:08Okay, well, thanks for calling Compaq.7:09Uh-huh.7:10Bye-bye.7:11Don't tell me your heavy breathing. You, you, you, you breathe heavy all the time, but you need to come over here and get some motherfucking snacks on snacks.7:18So one thing, you cost me these drawers all hell breaking loose.7:21I'm trying to get some sex up in this motherfucker, and if I don't get no boy, woo, they don't know.7:26Mr. Shy City, T-Rail.7:30Yeah. I let my chain hang low, my text just show.7:37I do it like I do it. I do it like I do it. Let my chain halo, my text just show.7:46I do it like I do it. I do it like I do it. I'm in the club all night, posted on the wall, stacks in my pants so I can't let them fall.
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