1.5K views Jun 2009
This compilation follows Leon as he argues with Larry over a five-second rule, offers questionable advice, and gets caught up in a series of awkward schemes.
0:02 Larry? Larry David? 0:03 Yeah? 0:04 Hey, where's Loretta? Loretta! 0:07 Peanut, peanut boy! 0:16 Who is this guy? 0:17 That's my brother Leon. 0:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:19 Was he in the hurricane? 0:21 No, he lives here in LA. 0:23 Leon? 0:23 Larry. 0:24 Can I talk to you for a second? 0:25 You hug my auntie, man, you stab her in the stomach? 0:27 And she found a stain. 0:30 Ejaculate. 0:31 Not ejaculate, ejaculate. 0:33 I have no control after 5 seconds. 0:35 So you have 5 second rule? Well, it couldn't have been mine. 0:38 You know why? 'Cause I gets minds, Larry. I brings the ruckus to the ladies. 0:42 Not a rule, it's just that approximate amount of time that it's gonna take for something to happen. 0:46 What the fuck? I mean, what the fuck? 0:47 What am I doing, jagging off to Auntie Gripper? Jagging off to Clara, huh? 0:51 You mean Aunt B? 0:52 Aunt B, Clara, whoever. Who the lady answer the damn phone? 0:54 Who's Clara? 0:55 Who the lady answered the phone? 0:56 I don't know. 0:57 Is that her name Clara? 0:59 I don't know Clara. I know Aunt B. 1:00 Nobody want to jag off no damn Aunt B. 1:02 Not just like that. That's a long time, 5 seconds. 1:04 You got 5 second rule. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, boing, and it come out. 1:06 It's not 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Where's your Mississippi? You got to put Mississippi in there. 1:09 Mississippi. 1:10 Mississippi? 1:10 That's how you count. 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi. 1:13 What? 1:13 The dry cleaner gave it to me, never gave it back. 1:15 That's some bullshit right there. I'm going to handle this shit. 1:18 What are you doing? Yeah, I'm gonna get your shit back for you, man. 1:20 What? What are you talking about? Where you going? 1:21 Leon. 1:22 Huh? 1:23 Peanut, grab that door! 1:24 Get the door, Peanut. 1:25 Do a Pepitone up in this motherfucker. What's up, what's up, what's up, what's up? 1:28 Mm. 1:28 Can't be my jersey. That's my jersey. 1:31 Okay. Well, let's get the right shirt then. How about that? I'll tell you one thing, I like a woman with a smart ass mouth like that. 1:37 Yeah, well, fuck you too. 1:39 Mm. 1:39 That's some fucked up shit right there, man. You're gonna go in, he'll be up here, okay? 1:43 You're down here, right? He's on top. He's asking you the questions. 1:48 Uh-huh. 1:49 Then all of a sudden the interview starts, he asks some questions, you answer some questions, then you start asking him the questions, and you flip it. 1:54 Now he's trying to impress you. 1:56 Turn that shit around on him. 1:57 Turn it around on him. 1:58 Topsy turvy, that motherfucker. 1:59 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2:00 Oh, what's on now? Now. Why you got no credit cards? You got no credit cards at all? 2:05 Why you don't have a credit card, sir? 2:06 You have no credit cards? 2:07 Why do you order these CDs out of those magazines, and you, and you send them next door to the, the neighbor, and then the UPS guy comes, you pick them up like you live there and shit. 2:16 Why that? 2:16 You keep ordering CDs that, that you don't pay for? 2:19 I'm just saying, examples, how to turn that shit around on its edge, you know what I mean? 2:23 Specific shit, though. 2:24 It might not be such a good idea, this whole flip it thing. 2:26 I like it, man, I like it. 2:28 I can't pause toast. 2:29 You can pause toast. 2:30 If this toast goes back in that machine, it's gonna lose its essence. 2:32 Yo, yo. 2:34 Hey, it's Hal. Just returning your call. 2:37 What up, Hal? 2:38 What's going on, boy? 2:40 So you didn't do shit, and you punked out. That's what the fuck happened, right? 2:42 I hit that ass and I moved on, dog. You wasn't in town, dog. 2:45 The shit is over, man. 2:47 Oh, okay. Oh, I get it now. You're, you're doing a black guy character because I'm a black guy, right? 2:53 Black man doing his thing, baby. Barack Obama, motherfucker. 2:56 Barack Obama. I'm the president of hitting that ass. 2:59 You getting that ass, Larry. That's what the fuck you do. Black man doing his motherfucking thing in the world, baby. 3:03 You feel me? 3:04 I just said don't talk to me like that, okay? It's offensive. 3:07 I thought you were calling back to apologize about what you said to my wife. 3:10 You have your wife back, man. I don't want the bitch no more. 3:12 I just said I hit it and I quit it. 3:14 Guy named Hal call? 3:18 Nope. 3:19 When you twisted your body, your testicles got ensnared in the fly of your underwear, which acted like a noose, and it caused a scrotal hematoma and contusion. 3:29 What? 3:29 Twisted balls. 3:30 Leon! 3:31 Oh, no, no, no, no. 3:34 Larry just said nigga. 3:35 Get the fuck out of here. 3:36 You got long balls, Larry. Long balls. You got long ass balls. 3:40 I've got long balls? 3:41 Doctor, you've seen his balls, right? 3:42 W- would you say my balls were unusually long? 3:44 They're a bit more distended than the average testicles. 3:47 You got long ass balls, Larry. Long ball Larry. 3:49 You don't fuck up, Larry. 3:50 Long balls. Change of draws. 3:53 So that motherfucker swallowed a kazoo. 3:54 Who fucking Moby Dick? Moby Dick's the book by Melville. 3:57 Fucking Moby Dick. 3:58 Where we getting Moby Dick from? 3:59 Moby Dick, man, his dick is moping. 4:01 Oh, literally Moby Dick. 4:02 I walk by, I grab the fucking purse, I run down the street, Larry pops the fuck out, tackles me, try to get the purse back, I fuck Larry up and keep on rolling. 4:10 Yeah. 4:12 Somebody gotta get fucked up, Larry, right? 4:13 You're not comfortable in- in your Larry shell right now. You gotta become another motherfucker right now. 4:18 I'm gonna break your fucking teeth, your glasses, or something. 4:20 Leon, I don't need to look like that much of a hero, just stopping you and giving our purse back. 4:24 There's no way in hell, man. You can't do that shit half speed. 4:27 Larry, grow a mustache, man. Grow a goatee, mustache, grow some sideburns, become another motherfucker, man. 4:32 You feel me? And I'm not, and I'm not gonna get hurt. I'm gonna, I'm gonna grab the fucking purse. 4:35 Leon. 4:35 Larry gonna jump out and try to stop me. I'm gonna fuck Larry up. 4:37 You, what do you mean you fuck me? You're not gonna fuck me up. 4:39 Next time a man call you a fucking faggot, you get in that ass, Larry. 4:42 Victor Gerber got in, got in an elevator, hit it up and went up your asshole. 4:45 Leon. 4:45 Is that what happened? 4:46 Huh? 4:46 You pull their asshole open, step into their asshole, close the door behind you, take a spray paint can, right? 4:51 Uh-huh. 4:51 Larry was here. You spray paint, Larry was here, wash me, all that kind of shit. 4:57 Fuck his whole asshole up. These some Snicker bars, throw some paper on the floor. 5:00 Read a newspaper, boil the paper up the newspaper, and throw the newspaper on the floor. 5:03 Mm. 5:03 Fuck his whole asshole up, you know what I'm saying? 5:05 Yeah. 5:05 Then you open that asshole one more time. Open it again, open that asshole again. 5:08 Oh! Step out his ass and leave that motherfucker wide open so he know you've been there. 5:13 Yeah, you're my motherfucking man, Larry. 5:14 Is he the greatest? Are you the greatest, man? 5:17 What's up? 5:17 You are the greatest. 5:18 That's how we do it, yo. 5:21 Hope you don't get me killed. 5:23 My man. Peace! 
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