Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffLouis Ck Talks About Being RichDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share3.2K views Aug 2009Louis C.K. imagines how he would waste billions, including opening an obnoxious pet store chain with rude staff, absurd prices, and no customers. Show transcript0:01Bill Gates, I was reading about Bill Gates, owner of Microsoft.0:04He has 85 billion dollars.0:06Wow.0:07Here's a guy who could lose 80 billion dollars and still have 5 fucking billion.0:14I would lose it really fast because I would do stupid shit with the money all the time.0:18Like one, you know what you could do with 85 billion? You could, you could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses for like 3 billion and still have 82 fucking billion.0:30How do you not do that? How do you resist? I would do shit like that every day.0:39One day I'd go out, buy all the pants in the world, every pair of pants, and just burn them.0:45Fuck everybody, no more pants.0:49Start over with making pants. They're all gone.0:58I think all the time about shit I would do with 85 billion, though, man.1:02You could pull shit that would last years for that. I always think about what I would do.1:06I was thinking about this all day today because I'm a loser.1:08I got nothing to do. I was thinking about how I would open a chain of pet food stores all over the country, and it would be called Shit-Ass Pet Fuckers.1:15That would be the name of it. But it would be like Walmart, just huge shit-ass pet fuckers, big yellow sign.1:23People working in there are rude to you. You walk in there like, get the fuck out of here, you idiot.1:27They don't even let you come in. And if you get past that, dog food costs a million dollars for one can.1:33That's the price. Fuck you. You don't like it? Fucking screw.1:36It's shit-ass pet fuckers. And, and, and also, if you come in, we'll fuck your pet.1:42That's the rule. You don't even have to bring it. We'll find it and fuck it.1:47That's the way it's gonna be. Nobody will ever, ever spend a dime at shit-ass pet fuckers, but I will keep it open for years and decades and never close.1:57Keep expanding like we're doing great. Open a new one every day next to another one.2:05Just surround every Starbucks with 5 shit-ass pet bars, all facing each other.2:13Just to enjoy people going, what the fuck? Why doesn't it close?2:17Jesus.2:20That place sucks, man. That is the worst pet store.2:25I'm not paying a million dollars for a can of dog food. That's clearly overpriced.2:34And they fuck your pets. That's not appropriate to fuck people's pets.2:39Come on. But they've been open for 50 years now. Damn those shit-ass pet fucker people.
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