1.9K views Dec 2009
A group of Florida residents in a mock public-service video introduce themselves through a song and dance, describing their convictions and required neighborhood disclosures.
0:03 As a resident of Miami-Dade County, it is your right to know the names and likenesses of sex offenders living in your area. 0:11 As a public service, we have created this videotape so that you and your friends and family can stay aware, stay safe, and maybe even have a little fun. 0:22 Enjoy. 0:35 The state of Florida has asked us to disclose our sexual crimes to you. 0:40 We were bad, but now we're good. We're moving into your neighborhood. 0:44 You know we're trying our best to be functioning members of society. 0:49 We're not here to start no trouble. We're legally required to do the sex offender shovel. 0:53 I'm Larry Arthauer, and I'll refrain from touching my neighbor's kids again. 0:58 What I did was not too kind, but I'm a nice guy you'll come to find. 1:03 I've got a backyard and a real nice pool. Y'all should come over for a barbecue. 1:07 We can make some cold drinks in my blender, but do keep in mind that I'm a sex offender. 1:12 Vernon Douglas is my name. My battery arrest is what brought me fame, but there's much more to know about me. 1:18 I love to dance, and I love to ski. I zip and zoom on through the snow, just strap on my boots and watch me go, but I can't ski until December, till then I'm just a sex offender. 1:30 I'm Charles Dolan, dropping rhymes. I've been arrested 7 times. 1:35 I know that sounds like a lot. 3 of those times were for vandalism. 1:39 Feel real bad I got caught. Might do it again, probably not. 1:44 I'm not here to make pretenses, I'm here because of my sex offenses. 1:48 I'm Sam Pound, I'm number 1, apologizing for what I've done. 1:53 In case you were wondering what that was, I snuck into a bathroom and I... 2:00 eat no truffles, I'm just here to do the sex offender shuffle. 2:13 Hey everybody, I'm Laura Hughes, proving girls can do it too. 2:17 And by it, I mean touch your cousin. Was it worth it? No, it wasn't. 2:22 You won't find me in your child's playset 'cause I gotta wear this ankle bracelet. 2:26 I'm not here to go on a bender, I'm here because I'm a sex offender. 2:31 Last name Bermholt, first name Mark. I'm moving in somewhere on your block, not in a house, but in a van. 2:38 If you need me to move it, I sure can. The last thing I want is any trouble. 2:43 I've learned my lesson from the sex offender shuffle. 2:49 I'm the one they call Arthur Chase. They said I didn't have to show my face. 2:54 My first trial ended in a hung jury. If I'm found guilty, they'll unblur me. 2:58 I'm not the necrophiliac Arthur Chase. That's a different Arthur Chase. 3:03 I'm not here to be my own defender. I'm here because I'm possibly a sex offender. 3:08 Okay, real quick, I'm not like these people, okay? This is an extortion plot by my ex-wife, who's the only witness, and she's trying to take away my kids, and 3:16 I'm not here to pack my duffel, I'm just here to do the sex offender shuffle. 3:21 The state of Florida has asked us to disclose our sexual crimes to you. 3:26 We were bad, but now we're good. We're moving into your neighborhood. 3:30 We're obliged to admit the crimes for which we were convicted. 3:35 We're not here to start no trouble. Please leave a pipe to the sex offender shovel. 
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