Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffThe Bastard Break UpDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share1.6K views Oct 2008A man delivers a cruel breakup speech, insulting his girlfriend, demanding money, and leaving her to raise their four-year-old son. Show transcript0:00I... Look, I'm really sorry. I... I've been feeling this way for a while now.0:07I just don't feel like we have a future together, that's all.0:11And don't think that it has anything to do with you, okay? Because if anything, it's me.0:17You know, I'm the one that feels like you can do much better.0:20You know, I'm the one that feels like you're not attractive enough.0:23It has nothing to do with you, nothing. Look, I'm not going anywhere.0:29You know, we can still be friends.0:32I mean, don't call me or anything, that- that'd just be weird.0:36Like, hey, I just dumped you, why you calling me, you know?0:40We can be silent friends. Hey, hey, hey, come on now. You'll find someone else.0:47Look at you, you have a beautiful body. You know, it's just your face that's sort of...0:53Mm. But your body's beautiful. To be honest with you, you, you sort of look like David Schwimmer.1:04He was funny in Friends.1:07Let's just do a little math here together. If your body's a 9 on 10 and your face is a, be generous, 3 on 10, hey, you're averaging out to 6 on 10.1:19That's a pass. You passed the class. You're graduating with, with honors.1:25Well, not with honors, you're just made it, but you're in the university of looks.1:32You made it to the uni- Uh, did you know that David Schwimmer was an apt pupil with Sir Ian McKellen?1:42So, uh, that's, uh... We did have some good times, though, didn't we?1:48Yeah, yeah. Remember that day we went to the amusement park?1:51Yeah. You still owe me 40 bucks for that. So, you don't have to pay me right now, but...1:59before I leave would be nice. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you're one of the ugliest girls I've ever slept with.2:06What does that say about your personality? That's impressive, I admire that.2:19I mean, who knows? You know, maybe 10 years from now we'll both look back on this moment and laugh.2:24Well, you probably won't, but I will. Heck, I'll be laughing about this later on tonight.2:30I mean, look at me, I'm laughing about it now. I mean, you can still show my picture to people and pretend that I'm your boyfriend if that'll boost your confidence a little bit.2:40I... Oh no, wait, that'll make me look bad.2:45Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that.2:54I'm sorry, were you hungry? There are only 2 eggs left in your fridge, so I figured that.3:00Okay then, I guess I'll get going. Um, oh, one last thing. I guess it's sort of understood that you'll be raising our child from now on.3:10I mean, what am I gonna do with a 4-year-old son? I'm trying to meet ladies here, not scare them away.3:16You'll do just fine by yourself. I'll email him, don't worry.3:20Uh, okay then.3:23I'll see you around. Well, not around, I guess I won't see you around.3:29Take care.3:31Oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I uh, I will need that 40 bucks though, so if you can uh, get your purse.
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