Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffThe Bastard Break UpDula TVFunny videos since 200800Share1.6K views Oct 2008A man delivers a cruel breakup speech, insulting his girlfriend, demanding money, and leaving her to raise their four-year-old son. Show transcript0:00I... Look, I'm really sorry. I... I've been feeling this way for a while now. I just don't feel like we have a future together, that's all. And don't think that it has anything to do with you, okay? Because if anything, it's me. You know, I'm the one that feels like you can do much better. You know, I'm the one that feels like you're not attractive enough. It has nothing to do with you, nothing. Look, I'm not going anywhere. You know, we can still be friends. I mean, don't call me or anything, that- that'd just be weird. Like, hey, I just dumped you, why you calling me, you know? We can be silent friends. Hey, hey, hey, come on now. You'll find someone else. Look at you, you have a beautiful body. You know, it's just your face that's sort of... Mm. But your body's beautiful. To be honest with you, you, you sort of look like David Schwimmer. He was funny in Friends. Let's just do a little math here together. If your body's a 9 on 10 and your face is a, be generous, 3 on 10, hey, you're averaging out to 6 on 10. That's a pass. You passed the class. You're graduating with, with honors. Well, not with honors, you're just made it, but you're in the university of looks. You made it to the uni- Uh, did you know that David Schwimmer was an apt pupil with Sir Ian McKellen? So, uh, that's, uh... We did have some good times, though, didn't we? Yeah, yeah. Remember that day we went to the amusement park? Yeah. You still owe me 40 bucks for that. So, you don't have to pay me right now, but... before I leave would be nice. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you're one of the ugliest girls I've ever slept with. What does that say about your personality? That's impressive, I admire that. I mean, who knows? You know, maybe 10 years from now we'll both look back on this moment and laugh. Well, you probably won't, but I will. Heck, I'll be laughing about this later on tonight. I mean, look at me, I'm laughing about it now. I mean, you can still show my picture to people and pretend that I'm your boyfriend if that'll boost your confidence a little bit. I... Oh no, wait, that'll make me look bad. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. I'm sorry, were you hungry? There are only 2 eggs left in your fridge, so I figured that. Okay then, I guess I'll get going. Um, oh, one last thing. I guess it's sort of understood that you'll be raising our child from now on. I mean, what am I gonna do with a 4-year-old son? I'm trying to meet ladies here, not scare them away. You'll do just fine by yourself. I'll email him, don't worry. Uh, okay then. I'll see you around. Well, not around, I guess I won't see you around. Take care.3:31Oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I uh, I will need that 40 bucks though, so if you can uh, get your purse.
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