Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffBo Burnham Love IsDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share1.9K views Mar 2009Bo Burnham performs a satirical love song packed with absurd comparisons, historical jokes, and a pitch for his comedy CD and DVD. Show transcript0:00Hey, do you remember that cartoon, The Angry Beavers? Yeah, I hear they're bringing it back.0:04They're calling it The View.0:06Oh, hey, Internet. Oh, what's this?0:10Oh, this is my, uh, CD that's currently available online and in stores.0:14Oh look, it's got a live CD and a DVD with my Comedy Central special on it.0:17You should really buy this or hire a Somalian to pirate it for you.0:22This is a song.0:29I love. I love you like kings love queens, like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans.0:36I need you like New Orleans needs a drought, like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out.0:41And I want you, yeah, like a lawyer slash mathematician wants some kind of proof.0:46And I want you, yeah, like JFK wanted a car with a roof.0:57Because love is a taking a dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool, and love is a real life porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool, and love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding1:15out they're all filled with chocolate, and even though he's heartbroken, he can't complain because he was hungry in the first place.1:26Because I love you like Dora loves maps, like the Pope's toilet loves holy craps.1:31It's a little.1:34I need you like a voyeur needs a branch, like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland ranch.1:40And I want you, yeah, like all the Gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform.1:47And I want you like Anne Frank wanted nobody to read her fucking diary.1:54Because a diary is a collection of secret things no one's supposed to read.1:57That's the whole point of a diary. Millions of people have breached this little girl's privacy after she was chased by Nazis.2:02Kick her while she's down.2:05And if we met in 10,000 BC, I was your caveman and you's my cave lady.2:13If we got hot, we'd start rubbing. If we got hungry, we'd go clubbing.2:18There's woolly mammoths, but I will protect us. You're making me devolve to a Homo Erectus.2:23Oh. And if we met in 1780, I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner, and you were my dark-skinned servant lady.2:34Slave. Whenever I could get away from the missus, I'd go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses.2:40But let's be serious, let's still work you full time as a slave.2:43There's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socioeconomic trends.2:51And if we met in 1941, I was a Nazi and you's a gypsy on the run.2:57It's a little redundant. That probably wouldn't have worked out.3:04Okay.3:07Because love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and love is the Holocaust if you don't die quick and you don't get thinner, and love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles,3:21and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you don't want to reduce it at all, because if the rate rape declines, you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales.3:33Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistle? Yeah. I say that, oh, I say that, who's gonna buy your whistle?3:43Yeah. I say that, who's gonna buy your whistle?3:49Love is all about...3:55whistles.4:01Buy my CD. Or don't.4:05Or do.
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