Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffCold Blooded ChristmasDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share1.6K views Oct 2008A man mistakes his uncle dressed as Santa for an intruder, shoots him, and tries to hide the evidence in this dark Christmas comedy song. Show transcript0:06It was late at night on Christmas Eve. I was dreaming of the soft white snow.0:13White snow.0:14I was awoken by a noise near the Christmas tree. What it was, I did not know.0:22It was Santa Claus. He was bringing me some gifts. Unfortunately, I did not know that.0:29I didn't know.0:30So I quietly snuck up behind him, and I shot him 5 times in the back.0:38It went pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. He said, what the fuck, ow, ow, ow.0:46Then I shot him 3 more times in the head. Pieces of his brain flew out, and he was dead.0:55That's when I noticed his blood-soaked beard and his red suit filled with bullet holes.1:02Uh-oh.1:02I said, oh my god, I killed Santa Claus. I'm not going to jail for this asshole.1:10Hell no.1:10So I went to my shed, and I got my saw, and I started to choppity chop chop.1:17Chop cha chop.1:19I started with his arms, then his legs, then his head, and then the torso was a really long job.1:26And the blood went spurt, spurt, spurt. It was really hard work, work, work.1:34It was hard cutting through his spine. I must have vomited 16 times.1:43I burnt all the pieces in my fireplace. The smell of burning human flesh filled my nose.1:49Sizzle, sizzle.1:5111 hours later, there was nothing left, and that's when I heard my telephone.1:58It was Auntie Jean looking for Uncle Bob. She said he left the house dressed as Santa Claus, but he didn't come home last night.2:10Have you seen him? God, I hope he's all right.2:17The murder that you have just witnessed was planned and executed by a trained professional.2:21Please do not attempt to murder anyone without proper supervision.2:25I'm just a regular everyday normal guy.2:28I like spending Christmas with my family, motherfucker.2:30Just a regular everyday normal guy.2:33And I'm pretty good at nicely wrapping gifts.
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