1.6K views Apr 2010
A fake news report announces a plan to hide the nation's porn from future generations using disguised websites, fake mountains, and boxes labeled Canada.
0:06 After months of debate, Congress passed the Pornographic Media Concealment Act yesterday, intended to hide our nation's pornography from future generations of Americans. 0:15 This act will ensure that the inhabitants of ensuing centuries will judge us based on our contribution to literature and the arts, rather than our vast porn collection. 0:23 Just imagine the look on some future archaeologist's face when he unearths Grandma Likes It Hard, Volume 3, and you will understand why we must act. 0:30 The newly created US Porn Stashing Agency will be tasked with carrying out the project. 0:35 According to the chief director of the US Porn Stashing Agency, all internet porn sites will be hidden behind a portal disguised as an unremarkable business site called Qualitative Consulting. 0:46 To gain entry to the pornography, US citizens will have to use the password Catnap, all lowercase, one word, Catnap, but please don't write that down anywhere. 0:55 Individual porn collections will be moved to several dozen fake mountains in southern New Hampshire. 1:00 There will be an interracial mountain, a barely legal mountain. 1:04 A- at the base of each mountain, there will be a hidden door where any American can enter, no questions asked. 1:09 The agency also unveiled a video to help Americans understand how these new policies will affect their porn. 1:15 The porn stashing agency will store all pornographic materials under piles of old camping equipment, inside cardboard boxes with the word Canada written on them. 1:25 I'm from the year 3000. 1:26 That way, future historians will think we're just holding on to it for Canada. 1:31 Now, for citizens who make their own home sex tapes, the new policy requires they begin all recordings with at least 5 minutes of C-SPAN footage, so future viewers will just get bored and stop watching. 1:42 Previous congressional proposals to make the nation seem more impressive, including plans to scatter the nation with opera playbills, treat Usain Bolt as an average speed human, and blame the massive amount of idiotic internet discourse on a few faulty robots, 1:56 all failed to gain popular support. Next up, we'll talk to that pilot who heroically crash landed a plane into Maureen Dowd. 
1:14
5:46
2:04
2:10
1:43
1:37
6:56
4:24
5:57
0:45
5:13
3:22