2.4K views Jan 2009 Mature
A comedian uses a hand-drawn parking diagram to explain how he got a costly handicap parking ticket, then argues that fighting it could cost even more.
0:10 Too damn cold. It's like 2 degrees outside, but we had to bring that into the crib. 0:15 Okay, what I did here was draw a diagram of the situation. Okay, as you can see, we in the suburbs with it. 0:22 I got the green grass, got the yellow fire hydrant, 'cause that's what they got in the burbs. 0:26 We got straight yellow fire hydrants out here. Now, we have, I'm gonna set the scene up. 0:30 We got the coffee shop, which will be represented by this coffee maker cleaner. 0:35 The ice cream shop will be represented by an ice cream sandwich, and the Verizon store, which was next door, will be represented by my cell phone, flat out. 0:43 Now, basically what happened was some asshole in the, uh, in the escalade, Mister, oh, I'm, I'm in the escalade, I'll do the fuck I want to. 0:51 You know, he came over and was parked all silly and shit. This brother seen him and was like, God damn, I can't even really park nowhere, but let me go ahead and miss this brother and park on the line. 1:03 Bang. This brother over here, he came, he said, oh damn, okay, well, you know, I'm trying to get some, uh, coffee, so and I let me park right here on the line. 1:12 Now understand, the brother here is causing an overlap station situation. 1:16 I come and see the overlap, and I'm like, damn, so my initial thing was to park like this. 1:21 Perfectly legal. Only problem is, brother can't get out his car door. 1:25 You see how that door hit that thing? Look at that. That's hitting that thing. 1:27 I can't get in there, so I backed out, and I said, hold on, let me get a little bit over this way. 1:32 Okay, that's good. I'm on the line. Bam. Now my door open. You see all the freedom I have? 1:36 That's freedom. Okay, so that's freedom to do my thing, and I will be represented by this Hershey Kiss getting out. 1:44 Uh, that's, that's gay as hell. I ain't gonna be no damn Hershey Kiss. 1:47 What the hell? I ain't got no other candy. Uh, I'll be Mr. Goodball. 1:50 Yeah, Mr. Shaw City, AKA Mr. Goodball. Well, the women like to call it that, you know, call me that sometimes. 1:57 Okay, check the simile. Okay, all right, fuck that shit, but okay, so then, uh, so then I came into the ice cream shop, you know, minding my damn business. 2:04 Mm, that's some good ice cream. That's the best ice cream I'd have had all year. 2:09 Mm, mm, mm. Ain't nothing like getting the flavor of some ice cream, catching a flavor. 2:13 So then, the motherfucking cop, right, he gonna come, and this nigga had his lights on, he was siren blaring and all this shit. 2:21 Gonna talk about... Oh wait, you know, this is actually a remote control car. 2:27 Let me put my... Okay, here we go. Yeah. What the hell? Whoa! 2:33 Man, would you behave? Go ahead, go for it. Oh, oh, okay. God damn. 2:37 Hold on. God damn. Fucking up my whole, I had a thing going on here, dog. 2:41 Damn. Okay. I don't know what the hell that was. So then I, I look outside and he all in my head. 2:48 What's all in here? What's all in here? So I came outside, I said, hey, what's up? 2:53 Is this your car? Yeah, it's my car. Uh, you in a handicap spot? 2:58 I was like, no, man, I'm not in, I'm on the line. In the NFL, in order for you to score a touchdown, you gotta break the plane, dog. 3:05 I mean, this is like first and goal right here. That's on the line. 3:08 That ain't really in there. Then he gonna tell me my number one pet peeve is people who park in a handicap. 3:14 So then I should have watched my mouth, but I was like, well, shit, is your mother's legs broken, motherfucker? 3:19 And he said, what? Give me your license. So he came back, he said, here's your ticket. 3:24 This motherfucker wrote me a 300 dollar handicap ticket. Now listen, handicap people, I have nothing against you, and I like the fact that y'all have your own parking spaces right on the door. 3:33 You need them, you deserve them, you go through a lot of shit, but you can't tell me your motherfucking handicap spot is worth 300 dollars. 3:39 He wouldn't listen to reason, you know what I'm saying? Plus, I wasn't even in there, and I'd be goddamn if I paid 300 dollars, man. 3:45 You know what I'm saying? What it came down to was he has a problem with handicapped people, and I think that Homer Simpson, you know, said it the best. 3:53 You know, one day honest citizens are gonna stand up to you, crooked cops. 3:58 They are? Oh no. 4:00 What kind of ticket? 4:01 Uh, it's a handicap parking. 4:04 Um... I didn't know how you're, either you parked in a handicapped spot or you didn't, but I mean, the judge is gonna be like, are you guilty or are you not? 4:13 Did you park here or did you not? So, I mean, it kind of sucks because then you'd have to pay the ticket and the fees, you know, if you got found guilty. 4:20 Okay. 4:20 If you didn't get found guilty, you'd still have to pay 250 dollars in the fees. 4:24 They would, you know, not... Yeah, oh, yeah. 4:27 Okay, so 250 plus, because then out here the, uh, handicap parking is 300 dollars. 4:32 Okay, yeah, then you'd probably have to pay 250 and then the 300. 4:35 Okay, but it's probably more, if it is 250, you're better off just paying the ticket then since it's gonna be, even if you, even if you win, you end up really losing technically. 4:43 Uh-huh. Either way, once you go to court, you pay court fees no matter what. 4:47 Oh, okay. All right, thank you very much. 4:49 No problem, bye. 4:51 Now, did y'all hear that? Now, did y'all hear the scam? Do you see why I gotta fight for your rights and my rights? 4:58 Now, she telling me regard- All as if I win or lose, I'm gonna pay court costs. 5:03 Now, have you heard some shit? I ain't never heard no shit like that. 5:05 Now let me show you why. Hold on. Now a lot of y'all saying, brother, why is you tripping? 5:09 Why? Want to know what? Look at these tickets. Okay, look, look. 5:13 3, uh, uh, uh, 300 dollars for handicap parking. Uh, uh, look, look, look how they get me. 5:18 Operation of a sound amplification system. Look at this shit. 5:22 Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Village of Bellwood. Uh, uh, motherfucking Village of Dalton. 5:27 Look at, uh, uh, look at this. Look at this. Uh, uh, uh, uh, Dorothy Brown, uh, uh, Circuit Court, uh, uh, uh, of Cook County, Illinois. 5:35 Look at this one. Joliet. Joliet. Motherfucker, Joliet. Uh, uh, Bellwood. 5:40 Uh, uh, who, who this one? Who this one? Mo Bellwood. I got Dalton, Harvey, all these places want to write a brother ticket. 5:47 It ain't going on no more. We gonna get some justice today. Shaseda man. 5:52 I'm angry. That was my, that was my angry man. Oh, what the hell? 5:57 Yeah, we here right now. We about to go get a court date. It's your boy Shots to the Man. 6:01 It's cold as hell out here. I got on my Timberlands. These are the Timberlands I cut grass in and shit. 6:06 So, uh, okay, come on, let's go. Start that music, man. Start that music. 6:13 Uh, damn. Uh, hold on, hold on. Stop, stop, stop. N- I don't need music that militant, okay? 6:18 Uh, just give me something appropriate for what I'm finna do. 6:23 Yeah, something like that. 6:46 How you doing? You know what? I need to get like a court date, I guess. 6:49 You'll pay 250 plus the ticket. So then I told her, well, then I better bring 550 dollars, 'cause then I just plan on losing. 6:56 Even if I only have my voice heard and it cost me 550, then that's fine. 7:00 You know what I'm saying? But my thing is to hand out a ticket unjustly, then have them try to discourage me from coming down here, and then to top it off, I call in and they tell me we don't have any paperwork to sh- to give you when you do file for the court case, 7:16 but we can't just let y'all just start handing brothers tickets just 'cause y'all just feel like writing tickets. 7:20 Oh wee! Oh wee! What is y'all on out in these small towns, man? 7:26 You can't just do what the fuck you wanna do. And I'm gonna tell the judge, and judge, you gonna have to believe me, man. 7:32 They on something else. You see how they do? Shots to the man ain't putting up with it, man. 7:38 Shots to the man ain't putting up with it. Enough is enough. 7:42 Y'all know who it is. It's your boy Shot City. You know we out here, man. 7:46 Start that goddamn music. 7:50 I gotta calm down. 
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