1.5K views Jul 2009
Old Greg lures Howard Moon from his boat to a strange underwater home, where he offers Baileys, shows watercolors, demands love, and tells tales about the funk.
0:04 I've got something. I've got something. Come to Papa Moon. That's it. 0:10 Come on. Oh. 0:29 Hi there. Hi there. 0:33 Who are you? 0:34 I'm old Greg. Pleased to meet you. 0:37 What do you want? 0:38 Maybe I should ask you the same question. What you doing in my waters? 0:42 Just taking the air, you know, not fishing. 0:46 Well, then how come this hook's in my head, fool? 0:48 It's nothing to do with me, sir. 0:50 It's attached to your rod, mother lecker. 0:52 Don't kill me. I've got so much to give. 0:55 Easy now, fuzzy little man Peach. Hm? You ever drunk Baileys from a shoe? 1:01 What? 1:01 You wanna come to a club where people wee on each other? 1:05 No. 1:05 I'm gonna hurt you. 1:07 Excuse me? 1:08 I like you. What do you think of me? 1:11 I don't rightly know, sir. 1:13 Make an assessment. 1:15 I think you're a nice m- modern gentleman. 1:18 Don't lie to me, boy. 1:19 I'm not lying. 1:20 I know what you're thinking. Here comes old Greg. He's a scaly manfish. 1:25 You don't know me. You don't know what I got. I got something to show you. 1:30 You know what that is? I saw Greg's vagina. I've got a mangina. 1:37 I'm old Greg. 1:53 What? 1:54 I'm old Greg. 1:57 Where am I? 1:58 Greg's place. 2:01 You- you've been asleep. Do you want a little drinky? I'll get you a drink. 2:08 Do you like Baileys? Mm, creamy. It's all creamy beige. 2:19 Delicious. 2:20 Do you like old Greg's place? I got all things that are good. 2:24 You've done some nice things with it. 2:27 It's not this. This is good. 2:29 That's nice. 2:30 You can have it. 2:31 I'm fine, thanks. 2:33 I'll keep it here for you. 2:35 Well, is this the way out? Um, I better be scooting. 2:40 Hmm? 2:40 Got meetings, and a friend of mine's waiting for me, so perhaps I should be. 2:45 Why are you going? We got everything we need here. We got Bailey's, creamy, and everything we need. 2:52 I'll get you another Bailey. 2:53 I'm fine, thanks. 2:55 I do watercolors. 2:56 Do you? 2:57 Let me show you something. 3:02 I call that one Old Greg. 3:06 I did it in that one. I call that one Old Greg. 3:11 And this one, do you know what I call that one? 3:15 Old Greg. 3:16 Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I got some more. I got these two. That one's Bailey's, and that one's Bailey's a bit bigger, and that one's as close as you can get to Bailey's without your eyes getting wet. 3:31 Mm, that is quite a portfolio you've got going on there, but I really should be heading off, so. 3:37 It's been good. 3:38 We could do some watercolors together, you and I. 3:40 Well, that sounds like great fun. Let's do it in the week there, Greg. 3:43 What do you mean? 3:44 Well, are you free Thursday at all? 3:47 Why can't we do it now? 3:48 Well, you know, I'm a busy man, Greg. You know, I've got things to do. 3:51 Howard Moon, man about town. 3:54 Do you love me? 3:56 Oh dear. 3:58 Do you love me? 4:00 Um... 4:02 gonna have to pretend I didn't hear that, Greg. 4:04 Do you think you could ever love me? 4:06 Uh, it doesn't really work like that, Greg. 4:08 How does it work? Tell me how it works. 4:11 Well, you get to know someone, you hang out, you see where that goes, this, that, the other, eventually, you know. 4:19 I don't know you. 4:21 You know me, hmm? What about the boat times? 4:24 That wasn't really a time, was it, Greg? That was more of a just a... 4:29 an exposure. 4:30 That was our first date, hmm? You pulled me up with your strong arms. 4:34 Oh dear. Look, Greg, I don't know you. 4:36 Oh, you know me. You seen my downstairs mix up? 4:39 Yeah. I didn't ask to see that, did I? 4:41 What did it mean to you to see that? Did it mean you love me? 4:44 No, it didn't. 4:44 Could you learn to love me? 4:46 No, I couldn't. I don't love you. 4:47 You do love me. 4:48 No, I don't. 4:49 You do love me. 4:50 No, I don't. 4:50 You love me, and you've seen me, and you know me. I'm old Greg. 4:54 Yeah, I know you are. You've told me 89 times now. 4:57 You must love me exactly as I love you. 4:59 Well, I don't love you. 5:00 And to be honest, you're starting to get on my nerves a bit now. 5:02 If anything, I find you slightly pathetic, so deal with that. 5:06 Maybe I will deal with it, hmm? Maybe I'll deal with it the way I dealt with Curly Jefferson. 5:17 You know what, Greg? Maybe I was being a bit hasty there, uh, when I said I didn't love you. 5:23 Perhaps now in this light with you and the tutu and the water playing off your seaweed. 5:32 Maybe I could love you. Maybe I was lying because when you do love someone, sometimes you say you don't because you're playing hard to get, playing a game. 5:41 Games? 5:42 Yeah, I was just playing a game with you. 5:44 Love games? 5:44 That's right, love games, Greg. 5:51 Love games. Love games. 5:54 Do you love me? Are you playing your love games with me? I just wanna know what to do 'cause I need your love a lot. 6:02 Now come on now. Do you love me? Are you playing your love games with me? 6:08 I just wanna know what to do 'cause I need your love a lot. Now come on now. 6:12 Moving too fast, this isn't a race. Mm, back off and lower the pace now. 6:16 Slow it down and give me some space. Mm, moving too fast, this isn't a race. 6:28 Do you love me? Are you playing your love game the way of me? 6:33 I just wanna know what to do 'cause I need your love a lot. Come on now. 6:37 Moving too fast, this is the race. Mm, babe, I gotta lower the pace now. 6:42 Slow it down and give me some space. Mm, moving too fast. 6:59 Well, you've put on a nice spread, Greg. 7:01 I did home economics. 7:03 Really? 7:04 I got an A plus. I did a combo. The teacher said mine was the best one. 7:10 Well, I'm very pleased for you. 7:13 You don't look happy, Howard. 7:16 You picking up on that, are you? 7:17 I could make you happy, Howard, if only you'd let me. 7:22 No, I'm not another watercolor. 7:24 You a musician, yeah? 7:25 Yes, I am. 7:26 But you ain't very good, are you? 7:28 I'm one of the best in town. 7:29 Come on, I read your reviews, hmm? You know what your problem is? 7:32 What? 7:33 You ain't got the funk. You're all rigid, hmm? You're like a breadstick. 7:37 You got no rhythm. 7:38 Yeah, well, I've heard all this sort of stuff before, thank you. 7:41 Well, maybe I could help you. I got the funk. 7:43 Yeah, I know, you're very funky, Greg. 7:45 No, no, you don't understand. I mean, I got the funk right here. 7:49 It's in this box. You see, the funk is a living creature, about the size of a medicine ball, but covered in teeth. 7:57 Came from another planet and landed on Bootsy Collins's house. 8:01 Huh? 8:01 Back then, Bootsy was just a simple farmer, but he took one look at all those mold titties and he lost his mind. 8:07 He began to milk the funk. 8:09 Shit, this ball producing some sweet cream. 8:12 Made himself a funk shake. 8:13 Praise the Lord. 8:15 He began to feel fizzy inside. He finally could see round corners. 8:19 What the? 8:21 Suddenly, he passed out, but when he came to, baby, he was slapping a bass guitar fast and loose like some kind of delirious funky priest. 8:29 Oh yeah. 8:31 Two months later, he was world famous with his band Parliament, and everybody wanted a piece of the funk. 8:37 Rick Wakeman, even the Bee Gees. Oh, give me that funky milk. 8:43 One day, Parliament were traveling on the mothership, fooling around with the funk. 8:48 Pass it over. 8:49 When George Clinton kicked the Funk clean overboard. 8:52 Oh man. 8:55 That was July the 2nd, 1979, the day the Funk died. 2 weeks later, I found the Funk in bed with a conger eel. 9:04 Oh, I've been rumbled. 9:05 At first I thought it was a sea anemone, but under closer inspection, I realized it was a funky ball of tits from outer space. 9:13 I offered to take him back to Parliament, but he said he was done with that shit and that they never listened to him anyway and were only interested in his funky produce. 9:21 So I let him live down here with me in this cave. 9:24 That was a nice story, Greg. What's he going to do with making me happy exactly? 9:28 I got a proposition for you, hmm? We could take the funk, make ourselves some tasty shakes, travel the world in a band. 9:35 We'd become famous. We'd be the family funk. 9:38 What, we can get out on dry land and get out of this place? 9:40 Yes, sir. 9:41 Well, let's do it. Let's move. Come on. 9:43 Okay. 9:43 Let's do it. 9:44 Just one condition. 9:46 What? 9:46 That you take my sweet hand in marriage. 9:49 Oh, God. 9:50 Think about it, Howard. Funky freedom for marriage. You get what you want. 9:55 Old Greg gets what he wants, hmm? A strong man to hold me at night when it 10:00 It's raining outside. 10:01 We can get out of this cave forever? 10:02 You bet your life. Do you accept? 10:05 I do. 10:09 Great. You've made me very happy. Old Greg's gonna pick himself out a nice wedding dress. 10:15 That's right, crack open the fresh Bailey's. I'm old Greg. 
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