1.5K views Jul 2009
In this comedy sketch, overzealous Twitter cops hunt down people for trivial posts, until a rookie officer is mocked online for looking like John Mayer.
0:07 Showtime, daddy! 0:09 Down, down, down! 0:12 Hit the flash. 0:12 I didn't do anything. 0:14 These your Cheetos? 0:15 Yeah, they're my Cheetos. 0:16 You're writing about them on the internet? 0:17 Yeah, I was. 0:18 No one cares! 0:20 Let me go. 0:21 We see this sort of thing a lot. You know, a kid, he's sitting at home, he's alone, and he's like, you know what? I'm gonna share a little joke with the world on Twitter. That's where we come in. Welcome to HQ. Come on in. We got Rodriguez here manning the table. We got Teddy here, he's manning Dispatch. He's a rookie. Wave hello, rook. All we're doing is protecting people from posts that no one wants to read. Look, I got no problem with Twitter as a platform, as long as it's used responsibly. You speak for yourself, chief! Now Twitter ain't nothing but a cesspool of shit and piss and vomit! 1:01 God damn it. 1:05 You gotta excuse Rodriguez. He's been burned pretty bad by Twitter. 1:09 What do you got for me, kid? 1:10 A menace skater. He's mobile, he's on his iPhone. 1:13 What's he tweeting? 1:14 Eating a taco on Front Street. 1:17 All right, all right, let's go. Come on, come on. 1:22 I got a, I got a beat on him. Rodriguez, get into position. 1:25 Hey there, Metaskater. What you doing there, buddy? Don't worry. All right, he's running. Go, go, go. 1:32 Bad boys, bad boys. What you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you, bad boys. 1:39 It's just Twitter, man. 1:40 Oh yeah, just Twitter. Teddy, read him his rights. 1:42 No one cares! 1:45 Yes, I did it. 1:47 He's got an iPhone! 1:54 You goddamn rookie! 1:58 Cafe Orwell. It's a coffee shop in East Williamsburg. All the tweets are coming from here. There's so many tweets, I could tell you the exact number of bagels that were bought there today, and I don't need to know that. Rodriguez, you're going in undercover. Teddy and I are coming in fast as backup. Let's do some good police work out there. 2:18 I can't wait to get my hot coffee and log on to Twitter. 2:23 Yeah, everybody's Twittering nowadays. 2:25 We got confirmation. Go, go! 2:33 What would your parents think if they knew you were 2:36 No one cares. 2:39 Teddy! What happened, man? 2:40 What? I've been, I've been tweeted. I've been tweeted. 2:45 Who? 2:46 Him! 2:47 Son of a bitch. 2:48 Oh! What did he write? 2:53 Just tweeted some asshole pig who looks like John Mayer. 2:56 Is it true, chief? 2:58 Oh, Teddy, it is true. You do kind of look like John Mayer. Teddy? Teddy? Oh, damn you, Twitter! Damn you! 
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