1.5K views Jul 2009
In this comedy sketch, overzealous Twitter cops hunt down people for trivial posts, until a rookie officer is mocked online for looking like John Mayer.
0:07 Showtime, daddy! 0:09 Down, down, down! 0:12 Hit the flash. 0:12 I didn't do anything. 0:14 These your Cheetos? 0:15 Yeah, they're my Cheetos. 0:16 You're writing about them on the internet? 0:17 Yeah, I was. 0:18 No one cares! 0:20 Let me go. 0:21 We see this sort of thing a lot. You know, a kid, he's sitting at home, he's alone, and he's like, you know what? 0:26 I'm gonna share a little joke with the world on Twitter. That's where we come in. 0:34 Welcome to HQ. Come on in. We got Rodriguez here manning the table. 0:39 We got Teddy here, he's manning Dispatch. He's a rookie. Wave hello, rook. 0:43 All we're doing is protecting people from posts that no one wants to read. 0:48 Look, I got no problem with Twitter as a platform, as long as it's used responsibly. 0:54 You speak for yourself, chief! Now Twitter ain't nothing but a cesspool of shit and piss and vomit! 1:01 God damn it. 1:05 You gotta excuse Rodriguez. He's been burned pretty bad by Twitter. 1:09 What do you got for me, kid? 1:10 A menace skater. He's mobile, he's on his iPhone. 1:13 What's he tweeting? 1:14 Eating a taco on Front Street. 1:17 All right, all right, let's go. Come on, come on. 1:22 I got a, I got a beat on him. Rodriguez, get into position. 1:25 Hey there, Metaskater. What you doing there, buddy? Don't worry. 1:30 All right, he's running. Go, go, go. 1:32 Bad boys, bad boys. What you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you, bad boys. 1:39 It's just Twitter, man. 1:40 Oh yeah, just Twitter. Teddy, read him his rights. 1:42 No one cares! 1:45 Yes, I did it. 1:47 He's got an iPhone! 1:54 You goddamn rookie! 1:58 Cafe Orwell. It's a coffee shop in East Williamsburg. All the tweets are coming from here. 2:03 There's so many tweets, I could tell you the exact number of bagels that were bought there today, and I don't need to know that. 2:10 Rodriguez, you're going in undercover. Teddy and I are coming in fast as backup. 2:15 Let's do some good police work out there. 2:18 I can't wait to get my hot coffee and log on to Twitter. 2:23 Yeah, everybody's Twittering nowadays. 2:25 We got confirmation. Go, go! 2:33 What would your parents think if they knew you were 2:36 No one cares. 2:39 Teddy! What happened, man? 2:40 What? I've been, I've been tweeted. I've been tweeted. 2:45 Who? 2:46 Him! 2:47 Son of a bitch. 2:48 Oh! What did he write? 2:53 Just tweeted some asshole pig who looks like John Mayer. 2:56 Is it true, chief? 2:58 Oh, Teddy, it is true. You do kind of look like John Mayer. 3:05 Teddy? Teddy? Oh, damn you, Twitter! Damn you! 
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