Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffWeeds MasterbationDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share2.2K views Sep 2008In a Weeds comedy scene, Uncle Andy gives Shane an awkward lesson on puberty, masturbation, and practical ways to handle the mess. Show transcript0:01Shane, have you noticed any changes in your body recently?0:06What kind of changes?0:07You know, changes.0:09I'm getting taller.0:11No, down there, changes.0:14Down there?0:16With your penis, Shane. Have you noticed any changes with your penis?0:19What's wrong with my penis?0:21Nothing, that's just it. It's perfectly natural.0:23What's perfectly natural?0:25Stuff that, uh, comes out when you rub it.0:28I have to go to school.0:29Go.0:33Talk to Shane about jerking off.0:34I'm all over it.0:35Yeah, I'm not gonna beat around the bush.0:39Your little body's changing. It's all good, believe me. Problem now is, every time we jerk the gherkin, we end up with a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right?0:49Right. So, first order of business, no more socks. They're expensive, gumming up the works plumbing-wise.0:56Now, you might be thinking to yourself, but Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr.1:01Sock? Glad you asked. You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning.1:06That eliminates the need for a goo glove. But the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're going to need some other options here.1:16So let's start with the basics. Tissues, perfectly acceptable backstop for all that creamy Italian.1:23They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin, not to mention they can stick to your dickhead like a fucking Band-Aid.1:29Ouch. From there, we move on to more lubricated flack catchers, specifically bananas.1:36Step 1, peel the banana. Step 2, slip the peel over your Randy Johnson, start pitching.1:42Now, for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave, not too hot, serious yowza.1:48Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and Vaseline can all be used for lube.1:54In my opinion, the best lube is lube, so save your allowance, invest in some soon.1:59All right, moving on. When you tug your Thomas on the toilet, shoot right into the bowl.2:04In bed, soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing.2:11There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much.2:15It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect, so work on your control now while you're a solo artist.2:23You'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. All right, class dismissed.2:29Hey.2:32Homework. Homework.
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