Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffCosmotopian Sex TipsDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share2.2K views Dec 2009A new editor questions a magazine staff’s repetitive sex tips, only to discover their advice always leads back to the same move. Show transcript0:07All right, ladies, we have 1 hour to come up with 506 sex tips.0:11New girl, go.0:11Okay, here's one that I do with my boyfriend. One by one, you open his shirt buttons with your teeth.0:16Too slow. Carla?0:17Puma strike. Crawl into bed like a cat, touch him on the penis.0:20High flyer. Get him on a plane, touch him on the penis. Pocket veto, reach in his pocket, find his penis, touch him on the penis.0:26Gold, gold, and gold. Daphne, what you got?0:28Walk on the beach, touch him on the penis. French dip, say bonjour, touch him on the penis.0:33Twilight in Paradise. This one's actually a rerun from our first sex issue in 1912.0:41Genius, genius, genius.0:42Um, do we do anything besides touch him on the penis?0:49Guess they don't teach biology in college anymore?0:51You ever had sex, Harvard?0:53Have you?0:55Okay, I'm sorry, I'm new here. Um, how about you lick honey off your guy's-1:01Lick honey off of your boyfriend, then touch him on the penis.1:03Flame the bumblebee.1:04Ka-ching!1:05Neck off of his neck. Whatever happened to seduction? Men have 5 senses.1:10Ugh.1:12Hey, we were young and naive once too. All right, kid, get it out of your system.1:16Dress up like a medieval princess and make him king for a day.1:19King of what? Can the king demand touches on the penis?1:22Much ado about penis.1:23Poetry.1:24Okay, so you want more sexy? How about kiss the small of his back?1:28No, kiss the small of his penis.1:30There's no small of the woman's touch1:33on the penis.1:34I owe you lunch.1:35Your idea is to have a woman touch a penis, and it's called a woman's touch on the penis?1:40And how would you touch him on the penis?1:41I don't know. Dress up like Queen Victoria and touch him on the penis.1:44Fucking him fellas.1:45History. Nice touch.1:46Are you even listening to yourselves? I just said something random and then touch him on the penis.1:50Say something random, then touch him on the penis.1:53Talking heads.1:53Print!1:54A man's needs do not begin and end at the crotch. Last week, I gave my boyfriend a long massage, almost but not quite kissing him, and then when he turned around and saw me completely naked,2:04I gave him a big kiss and said, you are my universe.2:09And then you?2:10We connected like 2 people in love.2:12I don't get, what?2:14Are you an idiot?2:16Ladies, please, this is a teachable moment. Phil.2:19Yes, hi.2:22Hello, ladies.2:24Tell Phil.2:25Okay, so basically you give your man a long massage and then a big kiss and tell him how wonderful he is.2:30What? I'm, I'm confused. Sorry, why is she2:34See?2:35Wait, wait, wait. I have a variant. Say nothing, no words, then touch him on the penis.2:40Silent strike!2:41Yes!2:42Yes!2:43Oh, oh wow. Oh. You're gonna print that up, right? I mean, that just sounds...2:49Thank you. Thank you.2:51Thanks, Phil. You can leave.2:52Of, of, of course. I thank you. Thank you so much.2:59That was just one guy.3:00Think about your boyfriend.3:01Yeah, what do you do?3:03We do a lot of things, um, we do the honey thing. I'll leave dirty notes around.3:07Sometimes we role play.3:09Ah, and what does he do after each one of those?3:12I don't know, I guess usually he'll take my hand and have me touch his, oh my God.3:18Hey, you're learning. All right, brain break, ladies. Next section, 400 ways to love your body by physically altering it.
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