Video player not working?0:000:000:00SettingsQualityAutoAudioSpeed1×CaptionsOffLouis Ck Talks About How Deer SuckDula TVFunny videos since 2008Thumbs up0Thumbs down0 Share2.9K views Jan 2010Louis C.K. recounts hitting a deer with his car and uses an angry stand-up routine to explain why he hates the animals that roam his yard. Show transcript0:04I am married, though, that takes me down a few pegs. Uh...0:09The other night, my wife sent me to Walgreens to get toilet paper, because we were out of toilet paper, because I had thrown it all in the garbage so I could get out of the house.0:25So I'm driving to Walgreens, it was nighttime, and I'm driving, and then my, I see a deer, and fucking hate deer.0:32I hate them because they're everywhere up there. I used to live in the city, and I loved deer then because I was this liberal in the city, and I'd see deer, and, you know, you're driving with your friends out to the country,0:41and you see a deer, and everybody's like,0:42turn off, turn off the car, don't, don't scare the deer. It's just so beautiful.0:45Look at the beautiful deer. Look how he looks around. It's just so mysterious and beautiful.0:51God gave us a gift, everybody. Just enjoy it. Just, just enjoy the gift of a beautiful deer.0:58But now I live, and deer are in my fucking yard every day, and they suck.1:03They're just rats with hooves. They don't matter.1:09They they have ticks that give you Lyme disease, and they shit everywhere, and they make a noise.1:15Did you know that? They go, they're assholes. They're shit animals.1:22I go out every morning and throw rocks at them, and I try really hard to hit them in on the head with rocks.1:32And they don't care. They're like, they don't care.1:40I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.1:45I wouldn't feel anything.1:48I just go, oh look, he's dead. That's interesting. I guess that's what happens when you shoot him in the fucking mouth.1:58I go out of my way to kill a deer. I would happily blow 20 guys in an alley with bleeding dicks so I could get AIDS and then fuck a deer and kill it with my AIDS.2:07I would do that in a second. I mean it. I mean it.2:18So I see this deer, and this is how dumb these de- I hit him with the headlights, and he does do that whole thing, and then he won't just go.2:26He's like, can I, can I go? Is it okay if I go? Like he, and I'm like, fucking go!2:30You're gonna go. Go! Go.2:33Go. Just go! And then I get cl- and I try to kind of get away from him, and then I see him, and he looks at me, and he bah!2:41He panics. I swear he ran and smashed his body into my fucking car.2:48Like, just fucking2:51destroyed my mirror, just shattered my mirror, broke his neck.2:55I heard him break his own fucking neck, and then he just dragged his stupid deer head into the woods, and he died.3:09And I'm glad he's dead. I was glad right away.3:15I got out of my car, I did, and I yelled into the woods, I'm glad you're dead, you fucking idiot!3:24I hope your dear wife finds you dead and dies of a broken heart.3:29I hope your dear baby starved to death. You broke my mirror, you faggot cunt nigger deer.
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