1.9K views Feb 2009
A parody infomercial shows a pitchman demonstrating a countertop burger press, making small patties and touting its cooking, cleanup, and bonus cookbook.
0:01 Billy Mays here with another fantastic product. That's right, it's time to pound your meat, and there you have it, little shit burgers for the whole family. 0:11 That's right, no more sifting through feces, no more fucking around. 0:15 It's time to pack the meat in nice and tight and squeeze it so its juices just get all over the place with its high-grade aluminum cooking technology. 0:24 And there you have it, in just 2 minutes, you got the patties ready. 0:27 Now what do you need? Buns. That's right, I got them. Fucking put the buns on there, and there you have it. 0:33 Your family's gonna eat that shit right up. They're gonna put all kinds of shit on there. 0:37 Even interracial families can enjoy them. 0:40 Fucking the double-sided non-stick surface is what makes it so great. 0:44 Mm, burnt cheese. That's right, you just put the meat in there, you press it down, and instantly, no more fucking around with that. 0:52 It's time to... What the fuck is that cat? That's right, it's got the Billy Mays guarantee. 0:58 Fucking put onions in there and shit for that classic diner taste. 1:02 You can use it inside. I don't see why you can't use it outside. 1:06 There you have it. When you're done, bring it inside. Fucking make some bagels with shit on them. 1:13 Fucking cleaning is so easy. There you have it, the big shitty slider station. 1:20 Also, we'll throw in a free cookbook. You can make shit burgers, butt burgers, ass burgers, kaboom burgers, billy burgers, burgers with nothing but bacon, burgers with nothing but onions. 1:29 Free. I got the meat, you got the taste. Let's talk. We'll also throw in a bonus. 1:34 You can chop shit with it, you can chop shit with it, you can chop shit with it. 1:40 Free. You get all this shit, the big shitty slider station, 19.99. 1:47 Djibouti dubs. 
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